I know you’re dying to know what I’ve been up to this week, I’ll keep you in suspense no longer…

• My chairs are done and have been delivered to the Convention Center to spend the weekend in Anna Maria’s booth. They are GORGEOUS!
• Are you wondering what the weather is like here? I’ll give you a hint: 94 today.
• My gala is tomorrow, and I totally forgot I have a dress that I wore to the opera recently. So, I’ll be wearing that. It’s black with teeny white polka dots.
• My goal for the weekend is to make my skin appear a little less transluscent. How will I do this, you ask? I’m going boating on lovely Lake Oswego! If you see me out there, try not to look directly in to my skin. IT WILL BLIND YOU.
• On Monday, Smashy and I are going to see Jen Lancaster at Powell’s! Whee!!!
• Will someone invent some sort of coffee bib for me? Because I’ve been splling coffee down my blouse DAILY, it seems.
• I just happened to be low on gas this week in NE Portland, I don’t recommend this, as I paid $4.07 a gallon for gas for Tawny.
• Um, I’m buying a house. SQUEEE!!!!!!! More on that later, as I’m still trying to decide just where I want to live.
• I’m really seriously considering the online dating thing. But, I’ll need the help of you guys. I can only write self depricating things about myself, and that’s probably not the best if I want guys to be interested in me.

I think that’s it! Enjoy your weekend - and HURRAY! to my fellow Portlanders! It’s NOT RAINING!

Because this is totally a sex blog, these days, I’ve been contemplating trying out this online dating thing. I know, Guy, I KNOW: “Why date when you can vibrate.” But, a girl’s gotta eat, and I do like to get out of this apartment every now and again.

So, here’s the deal: in almost EVERY photo of me ever taken, ever, ever, ever, my right eye is mostly closed. This will NOT look attractive in my online dating profile. And, I’m not going to do one of those online fetish sites where guys look for girls like that.

Here are some visual aids for you all.

RhiRhi’s 29th Birthday. Everyone knows it’s rude NOT to try on the gifts you have just been given.

Even with my new fancy camera, the eye still is halfway closed.

It was a very cold winter in Canby and that dog NEEDED a parka.

So, either I post photos like this in my profile ,or I figure out another plan:

Maybe guys find the deer in headlights look hot?

So, my question to you is? Do you think laser eye surgery can correct my droopy eye? Or am I doomed?

Friends. I am going to a GALA on Saturday evening. A GALA at a COUNTRY CLUB.

You can stop laughing now. No, really. Stop it.

Now, I used to have several cocktail dresses. Then, someone, my mother perhaps, reminded me that I no longer wear a size two. Whatever. I MIGHT BE A SIZE TWO AGAIN SOMEDAY. Anyway, that person suggested I give the dresses to charity sell them on eBay (okay, they were like $400 dresses) So, I need your help in picking out a dress.

Requirements:

• I refuse to blend in. So, black? Probably out.
• My boss will be at this event. So, the cleavage should be minimal (again, stop laughing! I do so have cleavage!)
• I’d like it to be under $200
• Oh, and also, it’s going to be in the NINETIES here this weekend.
• I’d rather not buy a new bra
• OH, and perhaps most importantly, my skin is the color of the whitest snow you’ve seen in your life. So, it must not clash with STARK WHITE.

So far, this is the only dress I can find that I even remotely like

It’s on sale! But, it’s not that fancy. But, it’s cute!

Any ideas?

In return, you’ll most likely get a hilarious story about how I made an ass out of myself at this event.

Once upon a time, I had a conversation via Twitter with THE Guy Kawasaki that would have made my mother horribly ashamed of me.

You’ve all heard of Alltop, right? Well, this one day, Guy announced a new topic for Alltop via Twitter. And, I asked when there would be alltop for single girls who like to whine a whole lot. And, he responded to me, “Who would advertise there?”

DUH, Guy? Do you really need to ask? Pharmaceutical companies, also vodka companies, I responded. Minutes later, I get a direct message from Guy, “How about vibrator companies too? :-)”

A lady would have blushed, and then ignored that. I did the opposite. I told him it was a brilliant idea and said also perhaps online dating services would want to advertise to.

And, then, it happened. He responded with my new motto.

“Why date when you can vibrate?”

Anyway, imagine my surprise today when I noticed a referral from sex.alltop.com

I’m on freaking Alltop. THE SEX CATEGORY.

Commence laughing.

Now, I’m off to figure out how one writes about sex when she’s not having any.

It’s Mother’s Day. And, almost three months ago, my grandma died. I miss her so very much every day. But? Especially today. I wish I could have given her a card today, along with a hug, and a delicious brunch.

I’ve struggled with her death. A lot. I recently went to see a counselor about this - I was horrified when she told me that the grieving process for some can take 12 months.

Twelve months. And, it’s only been three.

A while back, after twittering, “when will I feel normal again?” my friend Belinda answered, “In my opinion you have to create a new normal.”

She is so very right. But, what if I don’t want to? A new normal doesn’t include her. And, I hate that.

It has to be done

But, how?