I found just now in my busy bag (yes, I am a 3 year old and must bring a bag with things to do with me everywhere I go) that I wrote to myself the day we got into Hawaii containing things that I did NOT want to forget for the purposes of this here blog.

This note, on a hotel notepad, says:

- Mai Tai’s on plane
- Free wine
- Plane smelled farty
- Hilarious people at live music

You still love me even though I am a total nerd, right?

Let me explain:

When we first got onto the plane (we flew first class) we were offered Mai Tai’s before we even sat down. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

Secondly, on the plane, the audio system was not working, thus, no movie. This did not break my heart in the least. The movie was The Astronaut Farmer. I am allergic to Billy Bob, so in an effort not to break out into a hideous rash on the plane, I wasn’t going to partake. Anyway, to make up for this “inconvenience,” the flight attendant gave us a bottle of wine (and every other couple in first class). She said it would have been champagne, which is what I was drinking, but me and the lady sitting in front of me had already cleaned them clear out.

And, the plane DID smell farty. But, let me clear this up. My seat (the aisle seat, I CANNOT tolerate sitting near the window and having someone (even my beloved) lean over me to look out the window) was fine. But, before we were getting ready to land, Zane went potty and when he came back, we thought it easier that I just move over rather than him climb over me. BTW – he still did lean over me during landing which I tolerated. Anyway, from that seat 12 inches away, the smell of fartiness was out of control. I came to the conclusion that someone must have been wearing an adult diaper and they had just, um, made use of it.

And, lastly, when we got to our hotel and checked in, we went down to the pool bar/restaurant to have some drinks and listen to the lovely Hawaiian Band they had down there. Anyway, these local, elderly people showed up, rearranged many tables, ordered a round of Miller Lites ON ICE and some onion rings. They just cracked me the hell up. The best was the flaming gay 70 year old wearing print hot pink pants with rhinestone sunglasses who was the most dainty onion ring eater I have ever seen.

But, really, Miller Lite on ice?

I seem to be having issues with two things – a) reality and b) uploading photos to my geriatric iBook from my slightly less geriatric camera.

Things haven’t been as sunshine and lollipops since returning from Hawaii as I would like, but, life goes on.

Until I am able to post pictures and something meaningful, here is a quick overview of my vacation.

- Hawaii was lovely. I want to marry it.

- I got a nice sunburn our second day there (a combination of not enough SPF 50 on my feet, knees and cleavage area and too many Mai Tais). Never fear though, it’s turned into a nice tan.

- I went on 3 hikes (a waterfall hike, Diamond Head and Manoa Falls), rode in a glider (that’s a plane with NO DAMN ENGINE), visited Pearl Harbor, and attempted to learn to SCUBA in our hotel pool. Also, I planted my own pineapple at the Dole Plantation.

- I ate my weight in fresh pineapple and also fresh seafood.

- I read 3 books!

- We rented a jeep, yet neither of us knew how to put the top up or down. So, on the second day there, we paid the valets to take the top off, and off it stayed. This meant that we got kinda wet in the daily rain showers that Hawaii experiences.

- I took 236 pictures, 80 of which are stuck on my camera.

More to follow, I promise!

In just a few short hours, we’ll be boarding a plane to Hawaii! Hurray!

I’ve been coming up with some Vacation 2007 Goals, and I’d like to share those with you.

Goal #1 – Run into Dog the Bounty Hunter. If I cannot run into him, then I’d like to run into these members of his entourage (in order of importance: His wife Beth, with the very large cans, his daughter Baby Lisa with the bad teeth, his son with the ponytail, his son without the ponytail, and lastly, his brother.

Goal #2 – Fantastic Tan. Duh

Goal #3 – Resist the urge to eat my weight in chocolate covered macadamia nuts. But, I because I love myself, I will allow myself to eat my weight in fresh pineapple.

Goal #4 – Do something I’ve never done before – not sure what this will be – maybe parasailing, snorkeling, etc.

Goal #5 – Resist the urge to have sex on the beach (the drink is okay, but the other thing just means sand in your crotch, and nobody wants that).

Goal #6 – Resist the urge to buy out the ABC stores in cheap tchotchke’s. I did that already ten years ago when I was in Hawaii for my high school graduation trip.

Goal #7 – Eat Mahi Mahi every day (the fish so good, they named it twice!!). No, really, I love that damn fish. I can usually only get it here previously frozen, and that’s no fun.

Goal #8 – Take tons of photos – because, damn, I got some cute clothes to go on my trip with and I MUST DOCUMENT THEM!

Goal #9 – Not bicker with Zane (okay, not bicker with Zane a lot – bickering is inevitable).

And, lastly Goal #10 -Have a lovely time and enjoy my week off from the ho-hum that is my normal life.

Talk to you all when I get back! OH! But, I forgot – I am twittering now. Dude, I am such a bandwagon hopper onner. So, you can see updates from me there. And, you can sign up and be nerdy with me!