Thelma Lorraine

October 16, 1924 – February 28, 2008

I am so honored to have known you for 29 years. I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have you for my Grandma. I hope that I make you proud.

I love you so much and am so glad you get to go be with Grandpa again.

Updated: This is a poem in a book that hospice gave us about the dying process. I think it’s perfect and I believe this is truly how it happens. I feel this could have been written just for her, she is truly an object of beauty and strength.

Gone From My Sight

By Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!”

“Gone where?”

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: “Here she comes!”

And that is dying.

We’re waiting. My grandmother has been resting peacefully since Monday morning. She acknowledged me by opening her eyes briefly as I was talking to her on Monday evening. I’m so thankful that she recognized my voice. I feel like it was her way of telling me she loves me. She’s not acknowledged us since then. It’s now been 4 days since she’s eaten, and 3 since she’s had any fluids. We’re keeping her comfortable, holding her hand, talking softly to her, and mostly beginning our grieving process. As of Monday noon, hospice gave her 24-48 hours to live.

Each time I’ve left her, I’m terribly scared that it’s the last time I’ll see her alive. I’m angry at myself for not being a better granddaughter, or just a better person in general. Why didn’t I call more? Why didn’t I visit more?

I’m as ready as I can be for the inevitable to happen, but still, I jump when the phone rings, afraid that it’s going to be that call.  I am going to miss her so terribly much, but it pains me to see her as she is now.

I’ve spent many hours the past couple days holding my Grandmother’s hand. I’m not doing this now, obviously, and, I’m aching for it. As I sat with her these past couple days, I’ve remembered all the wonderful things I’ve learned from her. Some are silly, but they remind me that it’s really the simple things.

• Coca Cola is excellent with a Lime. Also, it looks fancy. Eight year old Rhiannon loved the fancy.
• To fold sheets and have them looking pristine when eventually putting them on the bed: Pull, pull, pull. Shake, shake, shake.
• When walking with someone, and if the two of you become separated by a lamp post, etc. You must say, “Bread and Butter,” or “Salt and Pepper,” or else you will get in a big fight.
• Paper dolls might quite possibly be the best things in the world, especially when your Grandma cuts them all out for you.
• Everyday is a special enough day to use your pretty napkins.
• Always save room for a treat. Even if it’s one or two bites of ice cream.
• A bed is made this way: Fitted Sheet with pattern to the mattress.. Flat Sheet. Blanket. Another Fitted Sheet. Then, bottom fitted sheet is folded over blanket and top sheet. This looks lovely and makes a little girl feel like a princess.
• Em and En (both printers measures) are excellent words to use anytime you’re stumped in UpWords.

Grandma, I love you so much. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have you for a Grandmother. So much of who I am today is because of who you taught me to be. I can’t wait to see you in Heaven someday. I hope you know how much we all love you. Go, be with Grandpa, I know how much you’ve missed him.