Part 1 can be found here

Rejected Titles:

• Okay, now you’re really in big trouble mister!
• We showered, right?

When we last visited with Rhiannon and Ashleigh, they had just been ditched by Josh, who clearly had more important people to hang out with. One of which we’ll call Shorts. There is nothing notable about Shorts, except, well, she was wearing shortswith hose. This is a style the girls were not familiar with. Anyway, Josh promised our girls that he would still be joining him later. Let’s point out that later is really a subjective term.

(Are you sick of the third person? Cause I am, and unless we want this one night out to span 14 posts, I’m just going to switch, okay?)

Ash and I headed to Echo to enjoy what we both agree is Portland’s Best Hamburger. It was really a damn good thing that Josh didn’t come with us because there was just no room for him, and besides I think the bartender was flirting with us, and Josh probably would have ruined that. During dinner, my long lost friend Erica texted, saying that Spanish Coffees had been consumed. Neither Ashleigh nor I had seen Erica in ages, so we invited her along to our next stop.

Shortly after I inhaled Portland’s Best Burger, and Ashleigh daintily only ate half of hers we descended up on the Doug Fir to hear the fantastic Portland Band, The Dimes play. Erica had gotten back to us to say that her and her beau Josh (different Josh, so we’ll call him J2) would be joining us.

Hurray! We thought. This night is going to be SO FUN! We found our way downstairs and listened a bit to a band for very old people. We knew this band was for very old people for two reasons. 1) There were very old people in the band and 2) there were very old people watching the band. Also, once the very old people band stopped playing? All the very old people left.

Erica and J2 texted to let me know that they were upstairs. Yay! After going up to retrieve them, the cover was paid and the two lovebirds came downstairs. They chatted for a few minutes with us and then went off to the bar to get drinks. Little did we know, this was the LAST we’d see of them.

After the band had been playing, oh, forever. I went off to look for Erica and J2. They were NOWHERE to be found. A text message revealed that they were across the street eating! DITCHED! For the second time that evening! And! We saved seats for them! Right next to a couple who were no doubt going to have sex any minute (good thing rooms are half price at The Jupiter after midnight, cause they were gonna need one!).

Also, little did we know that this was NOT THE LAST OF THE DITCHING that would be going on. Josh later arrived, oh 4 hours after we last saw him only to spend 3 minutes with us and then DITCH us.

And, that was the end of the evening. We rode home muttering the following: WTF?, asshat, shorts!, burger, WTF?

Some notes:

• We had a great time.
• The music was AWESOME
• Rumor had it that members of BOTH The Decemberists and Spoon were in attendance.

Some questions:

• Why does nobody want to hang out with Ashleigh and I?
• Are we not cute enough?
• Would it be weird for me to date a 25 year old? (HA!)
• What would be an appropriate apology gift from our ditching friends?
• And, why would you pay $10 to get in some place to leave 16 seconds later

And, that my friends, is how my horrendous streak of staying in on the weekends was broken. Thank Ash for not taking “no” for an answer.

Rejected Titles:

• White Zinfandel and the People Who Drink It
• You’re in Big Trouble, Mister
• Wherein I need to be taught how to recognize when someone is flirting with me

Once upon a time, there was a girl. Let’s call her, Rhiannon. Rhiannon hadn’t left the house for a very long time, except for boring things like work and visiting her friendly crazy doctor. Rhiannon’s friend, let’s call her Ashleigh found this to be very unacceptable and ordered asked nicely that Rhiannon get on the MAX and ride into Downtown. Rhiannon tried to get out of it, claiming sickness does what she is told, so she met Ashleigh downtown.

First, Rhiannon and Ashleigh went to meet a friend, let’s call him Josh at a monthly networking event he organizes. Here is where Ashleigh and Rhiannon got confused. You see, they thought that Josh had invited them to his networking event because he enjoyed their company. But, really, they were not to be guests at the networking event. They were put right to work! Now, luckily, our girls have poured oh, a glass or two of Pinot in the past, so they were up for the challenge. They even learned how to use The Rabbit (shut up sickos, not that one). While pouring wine, Rhiannon threatened to flick Josh several times while Ashleigh called him an asshat repeatedly (you see, Ashleigh’s been spending too much time with dudes, as she puts it, so she now talks like one, I’ll cure her of this, just you watch).

Meanwhile, two friends from Gresham repeatedly came over to pour themselves some White Zinfandel. Rhiannon and Ashleigh had never seen White Zin drinkers outside their normal habitiat, so they were both intrigued and horrified at the same time. You see, they had brought their own MAGNUM of White Zin to the networking event. The girls weren’t even sure how they were able to smuggle such horrible wine into the Pearl District to begin with. But, here is where it gets really scary. The female member of the White Zin duo tried to create a love connection with the male member of the White Zin duo. Rhiannon and Ashleigh strategized. Would they pretend to be lesbians? Would they pretend yet again that they both date Josh. WHAT WOULD THEY DO?

Luckily, there was no need to worry. Soon after, the White Zin duo asked for a wine cork and a bag because they were leaving and they were taking their White Zin with them. Seriously.

Once the networking event was over, Rhiannon wept a bit because she only was able to eat three deviled eggs, one roasted beet, and one chicken skewer. Still, the girls were eager to spend some time with Josh, hoping he would shower them with appreciation for helping to make his event a huge success. Instead, Josh insisted that our girls accompany him back to his office to drop off wine glasses, only to ditch them on the way to dinner.

To be continued, because when you go out for the first time in months, it takes a while to tell the story.

UPDATED TO ADD: Shortly after publishing this post Josh called to tell me that I am the most beautiful girl in all of Portland and that he’s so happy that I was able to come to his shindig and pour wine flawlessly. Or, something like that. Sometimes, I embellish.

Ashleigh’s account of Friday night events can be found here.

Today, I have nothing. So, talk amongst yourselves, I’ll give you a topic.
My Cat. Does she need to go on a diet?

DISCUSS