My 30th birthday is in just two months and 10 days (December 10th, people) and I’m totally going to take advantage of Lupron Rhi and just put it out there that I’m really sick of receiving the following items for my birthday:

• Anything purchased at the dollar store. Unless you are my 4 year old niece. She tends to pick out things I like.
• Picture frames. Especially if they are of the oak variety. Oak gives me hives.
• Lotion, except if you KNOW it’s a kind that I like. I have delicate, downy skin. My delicate downy skin only likes certain lotions. And, those lotions are not found in the DOLLAR SECTION AT TARGET.
• Wineglasses, I already have all the wine glasses in the world. And, if you’re buying me wine glasses to replace the ones you already broke at my house. THAT IS NOT A GIFT.
• Yarn, unless you are a knitter yourself, you should not be buying me yarn. If you are a knitter, you’ll understand why.
• Please no more giraffe paraphenilia. Unless it’s the Giraffe Measuring Spoons from Anthro.
• No more pink appliances. I’m transitioning to stainless. One day I will hopefully live with a man, and he’ll not love my pink appliances.

Instead, here’s what I’d like:

• Huggable Hangers, I think I need about 200 of them. For reals. (Mom, I’m looking at you, I know you have a stack of 20% off coupons for Linens and Things).
• Vodka. I like Vox, but I’m open to other brands.
• Wine. I like Pinot Noir and Pinot Gris. I also like Prosecco.
• I seem to be taking a lot of cold showers these days. This would be lovely for when I get out of the shower.
• I have had this starred in my Google Reader for 25 years now. But, because I have a RIDICULOUSLY long torso, this would be a perfect way for me to wear my Kiss Me I’m A Duck T-Shirt without my midriff hanging out. (*Note, that is not me in the photo, that is my former dorm-mate, BUT I HAVE THE SAME SHIRT).
• I like J.Crew. I wear a size 8, a size M, and a Size 11 in shoes. I look good in Pink, Purple, and Green.
• I like Etsy. My favorites are here.
• I have nowhere to put my sugar. This would do the trick.
• Nothing would make me happier than having this necklace in every color.
• I really need this overnight bag. I had to bring TWO SMALL overnight bags for last weekend, that is unacceptable.
• Oh, MOM? If you’re not going to give me back my brown Kate Spade bag? You can just replace it with this one.
• If you’re in a romantic relationship with me, please ask, I have a separate list for each of you.

I reserve the right to edit this list at anytime. And, I will.

From the oh so helpful Patient Pointers brochure my doctor gave me:

If you experience hot flashes, you should:

• try to identify triggers that cause you to have more hot flashes and avoid them. Some common triggers are spicy food, alcohol, caffeine, smoking, and stress.
• use light makeup and waterproof mascara
• hot flashes are an indication that the drug is working!

Do you know what I have to say about that? I’m supposed to avoid my 3 favorite things (caffeine, spicy food and alcohol)? AND, while I’m avoiding the things that make me happy?  I have to look ugly (light makeup = ugly).

Well, Shit.

Anyway, our Romantic! Weekend! Away! was lovely. I was okay hot flash wise for the most part, unless we were riding in the car. We drove my car, because I drive an automatic (also, because Lupron Rhi says my car is nicer). So, we were at the beach, which in the Pacific Northwest = BRRR! Hope you brought a sweater! I was fine outside, but the second we were in the car for oh, more than 5 minutes, my head would become extremely hot, my forehead would begin sweating, then my stomach. And, then I’d start frantically tearing clothes off (WHILE DRIVING) and frantically turning the air on my side of the car up to HIGH. For the record, the coolest temperature that my car will go to is 58 degrees. This is not cool enough.

Thankfully, my fine European automobile is equipped with dual climate control. So, while I’ve created a North Pole-like environment on my side of the car, the boy is still sitting in a perfect 68 degree environment for him. I’m not completely convinced that his warm air knows how to stay on his side of the car, but I’ll be conducting a study on this. I’ll present my findings later this week.

Now, I’m off to price cars with air conditioned seats. I have a feeling my heated seats will be getting no love this winter.

• In 7 short hours, the boy and I are departing for a lovely weekend on the Washington Coast. Word around the campfire is there is NO CELL SERVICE where we are going. Which means no Twitter, no email, NOTHING. Please look after the internet for me.
• We’re staying at a pretty bed and breakfast and my boyfriend is the best ever in that he booked us in A PINK ROOM!
• Also, I have a lovely wardrobe picked out for the weekend. You may see it here. And, here.
• My good friend, the oral yeast infection has returned for a visit. She does EVERY time I’m go on antibiotics. If you need a laugh, you can call me on the phone. I sound like a reject. Carrisa has already made the vagisil lozenge joke, and she made the brush your teeth with monistat joke last time. SO SAVE YOURSELF THE TROUBLE.
• Last night, Nic introduced me to the wonder that is Milly. All I have to say is Hello, Lover. Goodbye Savings Account. I should totally have this dress. RIGHT?
• Do you want to see me make an ass out of myself? CLICK HERE.
• Did you know that I have cable again. BECAUSE I DO. Oh, Tori and Dean, how I’ve missed you two jackasses.
• Also, I began Shredding last week. Holy cow. I’m in pretty good shape, and I work out with my trainer twice a week, and that 20 minutes? KICKED MY ASS.
• I’d also like to apologize to my downstairs neighbor for all the jumping jacks I’ve been doing. Consider it payback for your snot nosed children running up and down the stairs. (Seriously, had I known there were children in my building, I’d have rented elsewhere).
• My OMG, I was just diagnosed with Endometriosis and now I’m 29 and in Medical Menopause Shoes arrived. You may gaze upon their beauty here.

That is all. Enjoy your weekend, pretties!