You and I? We need to have a little talk. About several things, which I have divided up into categories as I  believe it will make it easier for you to understand. Please read through the below and get back to me post haste. And, when I say get back to me, I just mean give me back my ability to regulate my body temperature.

Sleeping: It’s very hard for me to sleep when I go to bed freezing cold and then wake up approximately 20 minutes later burning up. You see, when I’m cold, the boy is kind enough to turn the heater on for me. BUT, when I get hot, I have to GET UP MYSELF to turn the heat off and the fan on. Do you see why this is a problem? If you could just make it so I’m not freezing cold at bedtime, I think our problem will be solved.

Fall Clothing: I have a collection of lovely wool sweaters from my beloved J.Crew. I cannot wear these because do you know what wool does to you when you sweat? IT MAKES YOU ITCH. Also, I would like to buy some new items, but I fear I will not be able to fully enjoy them. No more sweating, please and thank you.

Makeup: I am now forced to run around Portland with blotchy and un-even skin. Do you know why this is, body temperature? It’s because when I have a hot flash, my face sweats, and if I’m wearing foundation when my face sweats, it gets itchy. Please remedy this.

Driving: It is now Fall in Portland, so when I leave the office, I typically have a coat on. For some reason, it seems that 50% of my hot flashes originate in the car. It is VERY HARD to get your coat off in the car. Especially when you’re trying to merge onto the Hawthorne Bridge. Also, the aformementioned incident happened yesterday when I happened to be on the phone with my mother. She did not like it when I said, “I’m going to lose my shit.” It is hard to merge, talk on the phone, AND take ones coat off.

Social Functions: Last night I attended a social function with my beloved. While talking to the wife of his boss, sweat began pouring down my face. This is embarrasing, and it makes me, a typical non-cryer, want to cry. A LOT.

Please take these items into consideration. I look forward to your response.

Sweatily,

Rhiannon

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but, I’m about to have a house guest. I thought it would just make the visit a whole lot more enjoyable for the both of us, I’d just go ahead and lay out some ground rules give you some tips, because I’m a very nice girl (shut up).

• Bring your warmest pajamas. I’m currently sleeping with both my bedroom windows open and with a tower fan blowing. Also, I currently sleep in a tank top and tap pants. Divert your eyes from my very white skin, please.
• If you plan on carrying an umbrella, you must also plan to walk ten paces in front of/behind me. I cannot be scene with a tourist.
• So, it’s just better if you bring yourself a rain coat of some sort.
• I like to wave my hands around a lot when driving. WHATEVER you do, do not suggest a) that I keep my hands on the wheel, or b) that I am going to kill us all. I AM AN EXCELLENT DRIVER.
• Sometimes I think it’s funny to turn your heated seat on and not tell you. So, if your butt is ever very, very hot, HEE! Jokes on you!
• You already know this from BlogHer, but I am NOT Merry Sunshine when I first wake up in the morning. Which is why I will show you how to operate my coffee pot, so that you may bring me coffee in bed, which will significantly improve my morning mood.
• Um, sorry about the cat. She’s going to want to sleep ON you. She has not smothered anyone in their sleep YET.
• About the cat, she’s going to try and get you to feed her. DO NOT FEED HER.
• We’ll be playing trivia on Thursday. If there is a team disagreement over an answer, I am right. PLEASE REMEMBER THIS. The boy may try and get you to believe that he is right, but, he is not.
• And, on that note: everything in our relationship is a competition. Please always side with me.
• I’ll present you with a full list of these rules guidelines upon your arrival.
• There will be a quiz

• Tired, so very tired. I took a sick day yesterday, as I was feeling achy and yucky. And, as it turns out? ACHIER AND YUCKIER TODAY.
• I HAVE to feel better as I’ll be spending the better part of next week with MANY lovely ladies (Nic, Carrisa, Isabel, DeAnn, Kerri Anne, Amanda (HOPEFULLY!), and who knows who else the cat will drag in!)
• I will say there is NO EXCUSE for having never met DeAnn or Amanda – as we all live in the same metropolitan area. WHAT GIVES LADIES?
• Yesterday was my Grandma’s birthday. It was kind of a sad day for me as it’s another “first” without her. I don’t know why I’m telling you that, I just am.
• This is the Best Photo Ever Taken of Me. FOR REALS. (also, did they not announce, “It’s a Girl!” when I was born? What’s with the sleeper, parents?)
• Tonight, I shall knit my Monkey Sock, watch my Lost DVD that came from Netflix. I am strangely, very excited to have a low key evening.
• I really have nothing else for you, and for that, I am sorry.

Have a good weekend, friends!