I’m doing this thing where if I get something new, I have to get rid of something. Like, if I get a new blouse, I have to get rid of an article of clothing (sometimes it’s a pair of socks, or a promotional t-shirt, but whatever, MY RULES). Anyway, I can donate it, I can take it to resale, I can give it to someone, it just has to leave Casa de RhiRhi.

Now, I’m currently trying to figure out how to make this exercise work in reverse. For instance: I’m listing two Kate Spade bags on eBay. Clearly, I should buy two more, right? One? Please?

But, anyway. One area I have been successful in applying this to is my television watching. I have recently given up the following:

Ugly Betty: I don’t know why, just lame. LAME! I watched one episode this season and then last week noticed that I had about 8 piled up on my DVR. DELETE!

Desperate Housewives: I cannot buy Gaby as fat and frumpy. SORRY. Furthermore, this program was starting to coincide with my beloved Iron Chef America recordings. (Hi Alton!, I love you!)

Grey’s Anatomy: Really, Izzie’s having sex with a dead guy? THAT IS JUST SICK.

But, despite the huge disappointment that ABC is this year, (really guys? you’re not picking up Dirty Sexy Money? WITH PETER KRAUSE?) I’m quite pleased with what I’ve picked up:

Top Chef: OMG, HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS SHOW? My money is on the Finn (The Finns are a competitive people, WE ALWAYS WIN). The boy has picked some other guy to win, but historically (and when I say historically, I mean it happened once) the guy he picks makes it to the final three and then gets kicked off. And, my guy goes on to the final two.

Gossip Girl: In two weeks, I turn 30, which probably makes me outside the target audience for this program. But, STILL. I’m just about done with Season 1 from Netflix, and I’m scheming a way to catch up with this season so I can start watching them live. WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS SHOW?

So, I have room for one more show. What am I missing out on? (if you say The Hills, it’s over between us)

• Word around the campfire is someone is out there writing Friday Bullets, BUT, publishing them on a Thursday, thus calling them Thursday Bullets. STILL A COPYCAT, I SAY.
• This week has been perhaps the busiest work week EVER. And, do you know what? It flew by, so bring on the busy! (also, perhaps take my temperature!)
• I’m on a mission to remove unnecessary stress from my life. So, you may have noticed that I totally failed on NaBloPoMo. One stressor, GONE! Many, many to go. Getting rid of the other ones aren’t going to be so easy.
• I’m really not looking forward to Thanksgiving this year – it’s the start of my first holiday season without my Grandma, which is about 1,000 different kinds of suck.
• So, we’ll be dining out this year, just my dad and I. I’m looking forward to spending some time with him down at the beach. I’m also looking forward to the FANTASTIC sleep that I always have at our beach house.
• Also, he has a new car that I am DEAD SET on driving. He ordered it MONTHS ago and it finally arrived last week.
• Which do we like better? The J.Crew Greta Coat, or the J.Crew Carrie Coat? I have to get black, because a) I am not responsible enough to have ANOTHER coat in Ivory and b) The black coat I bought last season DOES NOT HAVE EFFING POCKETS! Who buys a coat without pockets? Me, apparently. Off to Buffalo Exchange with that stupid coat!
• I have nobody to see the Twilight movie with. Unless Kerri wants to see it again. Please, someone, see the movie with me! Amanda? Anyone?
• Have you seen the disgraceful dinner I prepared for my boyfriend this week? I need to be taken out back and shot for this. Or, maybe someone should just take this pan away from me. Because I’m tempted to make Tamale Pie in it next.
• And, because I’m totally channeling Betty Crocker this week, we’re making homemade pizza tomorrow night. With fresh ingredients from the last farmers’ market of the season. Please someone come over and make sure I don’t make my pizza into a heart shape!

That is all, friends. Have an excellent weekend!

You’ve heard it from me before. You probably wish I’d shut up about it. But, you know: MY BLOG, MY RULES.

But, really? I’ve solved menopause. I’ve decided to let you in on it before I send my findings to the American Medical Association. I expect these tips to become very, very popular. So, you know, when I’m on Oprah, fanning myself, wearing a J.Crew Tissue Tee, you can say you knew me when.

Here’s how it goes, I’ve broken it down into categories, for your convenience:

Hot Flashes:

• At sign of very first hot flash, stop wearing a bra. Bras do not breathe well.
• If in a relationship, make sure you drive a car with dual climate control. We’ve discussed this before, it’s absolutely essential if you’d like to stay in said relationship.
• Begin research on cars with air-conditioned seats. Throw temper tantrum when you realize that there are no European Cars with this feature (I’m a car snob, deal with it).
• Take advantage of J.Crew final sale on tissue tees. Also look into tissue pants, tissue skirts, and tissue dresses.

Weight Gain:

• The second you gain ONE POUND, replace all solid food intake with liquor (which, is important TWO FOLD). If you’re concerned with nutrition, I’d suggest visiting an establishment with a Bloody Mary Bar, where you can add pieces of cheese, salami, and pickled beans to your drink.
• Along with your calcium supplement you take for your impending bone loss, begin taking some sort of diet pill. You can typically find these being sold late at night on cable tv. If you don’t have cable, just check your spam folder.

Mood Changes:

• Begin drinking heavily. People are less annoying when YOU’RE intoxicated.
• Don’t take on too many obligations that aren’t absolutely necessary. EVERYTHING ANNOYS YOU. Remember this when you offer to babysit, drive to a football game, etc.
• On this same note, don’t be afraid to say no. In my opinion, it’s better to say no to driving, for instance, than lose your shit on the way home from a football game because there is traffic AND YOU HATE TRAFFIC (merely an example, of course).
• Add the term, “LOSE YOUR SHIT” to your vocabulary.
• Practice NOT rolling your eyes. Something about menopause makes your eyes roll CONSTANTLY.
• Get a chauffeur. Menopause causes Road Rage.

And, there you have it. I have single handedly solved menopause. You may thank me in 20 – 25 years when it happens to you.