Months ago, my family and I were going through the painful task of going through my Grandmother’s things and splitting them up between us.  Upon tackling the dining room, we found the cupboard that contained our Santa Mugs. We had a set of 7 mugs with our names on them; Don (my Papa), Tommie (my grandma), Mark (my uncle), Wendy (my aunt), Dan (my dad), Rhiannen (misspelled!) and Helen (my grandma’s sister). The corresponding mug went at each of our place settings. Years ago, there were always seven mugs at the table, the past 10 years or so, there have been only five. My aunt said she’d take hers and my Grandma’s. My uncle and my dad said they didn’t want theirs. At some point we decided that I’d keep all the mugs.

For some reason, in my heart, I thought that if I kept all the mugs together that we’d stay together. That on Christmas Eve, I’d set four mugs at the dinner table, and I’d share a meal with my family. Turns out, I’m really naive.

My Aunt emailed on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and to ask how I was feeling. She also let me know that she’d not be spending Christmas with us. Today, I received the same email from my Uncle.

I feel defeated. I feel alone. I feel like my Grandma is looking down on her family and is digusted that just 10 months after her death we’ve already gone our separate ways.

I knew it would be hard, this holiday season. Thanksgiving was not my favorite, I missed her on my birthday. But, I’m just so frustrated that during a holiday that is going to be so obviously hard for each of us, that my aunt and uncle are pushing away. I’m angry at them for leaving my dad and I alone. I’m scared that he and I will have a terrible holiday.

I can’t stop reading the words that they wrote to me. I wonder if they knew how hurtful (albeit unintentional) those words were to me. This is weighing so heavy on my heart and I don’t know what to do.

So, the mugs are sitting on a shelf in my pantry. I can’t bear to look at them, yet I feel ridiculously guilty that they’ll go unused this year. I know that things will never be the same without her, but I’d appreciate if not everything had to change all at once.

So, before the Snowpacolypse of yesterday, I had a birthday party.

You know how you’re supposed to look in the mirror before you leave and take one thing OFF? Yeah, I didn’t get that memo. Actually, I kid. I loved the necklace Kerri gave me so much, that I had to wear it. Even though it clashed with my 30th Birthday Lei.

Birthday Pub Quiz had winners (and let’s face it, they couldn’t have done it without me)

Also, there were losers. And, I’m all about public humiliation. (I had nothing to do with the pitiful loss)

Later, we moved on to another bar (affectionately called The Yipper by my crew and I. Nobody knew where we were talking about when we said we wanted to go there. WHY NOT?)

And, there were many more drinks and lots of dancing. And, now my foot is broken. Or, sprained. Or, it just hurts a whole damn lot.

And, then I woke up and was snowed in. THE END.

(more photos are here)

• I am 30.
• Quite frankly, it feels just like 29, except now I have a way nicer purse.
• I’ve taken the day off work, which means I’ll be spending the day in my jammies watching TV.
• I had planned to clean out my guest room, but I think we all know that’s not going to happen.
• As part of my fantastic birthday week month (a colleague of mine gave me permission to celebrate the whole month) we’re going away for the evening.
• Then, tomorrow is my Fantastic Pub Quiz Birthday Party
• I’m REALLY EXCITED FOR MY PARTY. I still, however need to get prizes for the winning team (which really, is going to be my team so I might as well buy something that I will like.
• And, on Sunday, Kerri and I are going to the Crafty Wonderland Super Colossal Holiday Sale, where I am told there are Mustache Pint Glasses.
• I never claimed to invent bullet points, by the way
• Oh, also today, I’ll be hanging clothing on the Huggable Hangers that my mother gave me for my birthday.
• For the rest of the month, I’ll be commenting away at the suggestion of Dad Gone Mad. I’m far too ladylike to type what he’s calling this exercise. Let’s just say that I’ll be wearing a supportive bra for this exercise. You can click over and see for yourself. And, you can also leave a comment.
• Writing this post was extremely exhausting and I think I’m going to take a nap.