Hello. I’m writing you from my couch where I’ve been writhing in abdominal/back pain all day long. Also, I threw up twice, which you do not care about, but I can’t get a hold of my mom and she’s the person I’d normally tell these things to. This morning, I diagnosed myself with Appendicitis. But, it’s probably just a kidney stone, which I can deal with on my own. But, I reserve the right to complain about it every step of the way.

Anyway, that’s not why we’re here. We’re here because some people drive like complete assholes, and because I’m not one of those people, I’ve decided that I should share my driving wisdom with you all.

1. It is 36 miles from my freeway onramp near my house to my office. Because of this, I use my Very Best Friend Ever, Cruise Control. I set my cruise control at 75 mph. If you are in the left lane and I have to reduce my speed, I will yell something profane at you.
2. If I can, I will pass you. If one person passes you, you really should scoot your slow ass car over into the center lane. But, if TWO OR MORE cars pass you? You have no choice but to get over. Because staying in the fast lane after two cars pass you pretty much makes you an asshole.
3. Just because I am HIGHLY skilled at Twittering/Texting/Emailing while driving does not mean you are.
4. Merging is an art. An art that you FAIL at if you wait until the last possible second to merge OR speed by all the polite mergers in an effort to get to the front of the line. If you remember one thing about me, please remember that Spiteful is my middle name. I will not let you in if you are an irresponsible merger.

And, you thought you all missed Lupron Rhi…

I’ve just remembered that I have a blog. A reminder WOULD HAVE been helpful. It’s just easier for me if I blame someone else for my non-bloggy streak. I really have been busy. I started a new job, if you haven’t heard. And, I do not care this is the start of my first week, IT IS STILL NEW.

So, the thing about my job is that it’s 45 minutes away. And, I have road rage. The morning commute isn’t so bad, but OH MY GOD, there are a lot of assholes out on the road in the evenings. But, there is a lot to be said about not dreading going to work every morning, so the commute does not really bother me.

If you’re wondering what the boy and I did for our first Valentine’s Day together, I’ll tell you: We went to the beach, I drank a lot of wine, I gave him a gift, he did not give me a gift. And, here’s the shocking part: I do not care that he did not get me a gift. Being away with him for two whole days was quite enough for me. And, also, the wine did not suck.

Also, last week we went to a Blazer game. They played the Seattle Supersonics Oklahoma City Thunder. Our seats were so close that I SERIOUSLY could have used my Go-Go Gadget Arm to reach out and touch Joel Pryzbilla. I’ve thought for a long time that I should have an athlete on my Do-Me Boy List, and now I do. Adam? You’re gone. One other thing to note about the Blazer game is that the girl sitting right in front of me a) needed to brush her hair b) was wearing a WHITE SUN DRESS (please note, IT IS FEBRUARY IN OREGON) c) must have realized at the last second that, “Hey! It’s February in Oregon and also 34 degrees out today, I’m going to go ahead and put my faux Uggs on with this dress”, and d) was so shocked at the sight of the blimp that flies around the arena dropping t-shirts, that she felt the need to point it out to everyone in the vicinity. She is so damn lucky that she didn’t turn around and point it out to me, because I surely would have popped her one.

Which brings me to my last “story”: Lupron Rhi is back and she is PISSED. Things were smooth sailing for a while, but apparently Lupron Depot and I are going out with a bang. Things I currently have ZERO tolerance for are: hearing my name be mispronounced, over 15 items in the express lane, bad grammar, poor gas station etiquette, being called “HON”, and actually any breathing that is not mine. And, if you’re wondering just how much longer you all have to deal with this, the answer is 5 weeks. It’s a wonder I’ve made it this long.

• Hello! I’ve really had an awesome week. It’s gone by fast, and I’ve been in a good mood.
• My boy has been gone all week, so I’ve been a bit lonely, but still. GOOD MOOD!
• Then the question is, why are so many little things pissing me off?
• I’m going to share each of these things with you, because you care, I know you do.
• Okay, now, some cars? Their gas tank is on the passenger side of the car. So, when you show up to a rather large gas station and at each pump, the lines only accommodate cars with gas tanks on the drivers side? I GET A LITTLE PISSY.
• I think it’s kind of rude to share items in Google Reader that contain tv show spoilers. Not EVERYONE watches tv episodes the night they are on.
• Also, on the Google Reader front, say there is a blog that you love and you love it so much that you share EVERY ENTRY. Well, do you maybe think that if your friends in Google Reader wanted to read EVERY ENTRY from that particular blog, then they’d just go ahead and subscribe to that blog themselves? Yep, that’s what I thought.
• Question for you: I didn’t get any new clothes for this job, because I’m trying not to spend money. And, I haven’t, really spent any money (except for that one time when Mom-o-Matic made all the things in her Etsy Shoppe 30% off, but that was ALL HER FAULT). Anyway, do you think that because this job has Casual Friday and my last job did not that I should be able to buy a new pair of jeans?
• My new niece arrived on Wednesday Night. Photos to come soon, but her name is Rhiannon Rylie Lynn, and she was teeny tiny, weighing 6 lbs, 1 oz, and 19 3/4 inches long.
• My name is pronounced Ree-Ann-En. The reason that there is an ‘on’ at the end of it is because it is PART OF MY NAME. Also, there is no ‘y’ in my name, so please stop trying to put one there.
• So, this weekend, I’ll be going to Bad Girls Brunch at the house of one of my new coworkers. We’ll watch Rock of Love, drink champagne, and eat fondue. It’s pretty much going to be awesome.
• So, on the Girls Bad TV Night front, we’ve discussed making it on a Friday Night. If you’re local and you’d like to attend, please let me know. Kerri, Kali, and I had a pretty good time at the first one, and as the saying goes, the more the merrier! (but only if you bring wine). And, if you come, we’ll introduce you to DJ Trans-Am.
• Okay, last ranty thing: I really don’t have much respect for people who say they’re going to do something and then don’t follow through. Especially in a group situation, and you’re the only person they didn’t come through for. It’s slimy and I hate it. And, in this case, I’m guessing a little vindictive.
• And, that is all. Have a good weekend, friends!