Sunday, June 28th, 2009
Hey Jealousy
There’s really no way to write this without sounding like a selfish bitch. So, I’ll just admit it now: I’m a selfish bitch.
I mentioned yesterday that I had a Bachelorette Party to go to, and I went and had a lovely time. My girlfriends are fantastic and I’m so lucky to have them in my life. I’m also thrilled that my friend has found someone to share her life with. He’s a fantastic guy and they are wonderful together.
But, throughout the course of the night, there was a tiny voice in my head that said, “This should be you. You should be the one getting married.” We played a little Bride and Groom trivia game at the party and one of the questions was related to the length of time the couple has been dating. And, guess what? They’ve been dating for 2 months less than Bill and I. Another friend at the party is also engaged. Same story. The big fat baby inside of me is screaming, “But it’s not FAIR!”
I’ll say this: I have a fantastic relationship with my boyfriend. We do not fight. We’ve not “taken breaks” (what the hell? if you need a break, maybe you shouldn’t be together). Anyway, I’m pleased with the pace we’re moving at and I’m not in any rush to get married, but every so often, this tiny voice gets to me.
I often tell people just how FANTASTIC it is to live alone. I can put my pajamas on the second I get home from work. I can eat popcorn for dinner. I can sleep in the middle of the bed. I can watch E! all day long (but, let’s be honest, my boyfriend enjoys the same crap tv shows as I do, so he’s often watching right along with me). But, just as soon as I’m done singing the praises of living alone, someone will ask, “So, when are you two getting married?”
I’ll just answer that right now, so that I can refer people to this blog post. It’s really none of your business. So, stop asking. You’ll know when we’re getting married when I call/text/email you to tell you we’re engaged. Harsh? Maybe, but I have certain friends who are just curious, and I have certain friends who are passive aggressively asking me something that they know will bother me. I kind of look at is as rubbing it in that I’m not.
I don’t really know what I’m getting at here. Other than, I’m jealous that I’m not engaged. It’s my turn.
Comments on this post
If it makes you feel any better (and it probably won’t, but whatever…), I was one of the first out of my group of friends to get engaged/married, but now, 5 years later, I’m now one of the last to get pregnant and have kids…I totally know how you feel.
Every time another friend (who, generally speaking, got married AFTER me), announces their pregnancy, I’m simultaneously overjoyed and ragingly envious at the same time. I feel like it’s MY TURN, okay?? Not fair that they get to go first. Suddenly, I look around, and I feel like my life is passing by me, and holy crap, we need to have kids, like NOW. But then, I finally come to my senses and realize that the way we’re going, progressing towards having kids one of these days, works for US, and that’s all that matters. We’re happy with our lives, we’re happy with our decision to wait, and even if I’m a little bit older than most of my friends by the time I do get pregnant, so be it. I was able to do things on my own terms and my own schedule…and guess what…just like you can go home and put on your pajamas whenever you want, my husband and I can go out and get hammered on any given night (not that we do, but we COULD), without having to worry about bedtimes and babysitters and all that. :)
28. June - 11:55 amI’m sorry you are watching the people around you get married and, you’re right, it is your turn. BUT, you have the GUY. A GREAT guy. You are so very lucky. Enjoy this time with him. You guys are always doing fun stuff and you obviously love each other very much. Planning a wedding sucks. Have fun now. That time will come. Besides, if all of your friends are married already, it will truly be ALL ABOUT YOU when it is your turn.
None of the above means you can’t have yourself a good bitch session, though. That’s what we’re here for.
28. June - 11:58 am.-= Anonymous New York´s last blog ..Beef. It’s what’s for dinner. =-.
Actually, they’ll know when you’re getting married when you give them a date. Just wait for the “have you picked a date yet” mania.
28. June - 12:03 pmJimmie pretty much wrote my comment for me. I was married years before all my friends, but then watched most of them get pregnant and have multiple children before Annalie came along. Jealousy sucks. I sympathize.
p.s. I HATE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE NOSINESS. What is up with that, anyway!?
28. June - 12:11 pm.-= bethany actually´s last blog ..Omaha June 2009 Photo Mosaic =-.
I totally know how you feel. My husband and I were the LAST our of our immediate group of friends to get married, even though we were the first ones to start dating. One weddding? My husband and I had been friends with her TWO previous boyfriends before her husband and she still got married before us. It sucks. But your time will come and you’ll be thrilled when it’s finally about you. Until then? I say there’s nothing wrong with feeling a little jealous – I think it helps you keep moving forward.
28. June - 1:05 pm.-= TUWABVB´s last blog ..Rainbow Bridge =-.
Like I said on twitter – I totally felt the same way. We dated for over 2 years AND lived together. We went to weddings of people who had been together for far less time. It drove my effing crazy. BUT…it will happen. I know it will and then you will make yourself crazy and annoyed with wedding planning (!)
28. June - 4:35 pm.-= anne´s last blog ..Quitter =-.
As someone who was engaged FOUR WEEKS after we started dating (and married five months later) I feel like I do not have the right to comment.
Except that I think that when you’re ready, you’re ready.
It seems like you are. Does Bill need a kick in the ass?
;)
28. June - 7:19 pm.-= Angella´s last blog ..Show & Shine =-.
If it makes you feel any better, the bf and I have been dating around 3 years… and have known each other for 4 (there were some iffy times in there, but I know what you mean when it comes to “a break” – which we didn’t, technically have… I’m sure, provided there is a nice cocktail in hand, you’ll get the story at BlogHer)… and yes, there have been friends of mine who have met, dated, got engaged and married in that same time frame.
But this? It works for us. Hell, he owns a home and I’m about to be a homeowner, and we don’t know how to reconcile that with our relationship, but neither of us are worried. Because it’s us. And no one else knows the inner workings of your relationship but the two people in it.
29. June - 9:19 amEvery time my boyfriend visits I’m remember how much I take sleeping in the middle of the bed for granted. Really, I may have to insist on my own bed if I ever get married.
29. June - 11:29 am.-= The Tutugirl´s last blog ..TLC, we are DONE =-.
I’m jealous that you have a great guy :)
29. June - 4:59 pm.-= Long Story Longer´s last blog ..It’s a Long Story, But Trust Me, She Deserved It =-.
I have to admit that I share this with you. I’m even jealous that people ask when you and Bill will be getting married because KC and I have been going out for almost 2 years and o one ever asks when we will be getting married. Maybe it’s an age thing…I don’t know. I also have friends who have been together less than we have been who are getting married and it really does make me jealous.
Ugg! I’m also not trying to rush anything. I’m happy we have a great relationship and we already live together. Things are good, but it’s just hard to shake that feeling when I hear someone else is getting engaged. I wish that was me!
29. June - 8:15 pmThis area of jealousy is something I’m trying to rectify in my life because it is SO freaking hard. As you know, I’m the only one out of a group of college friends not married. With them married and buying houses and starting on the baby track and me… nowhere near getting married, it’s hard. I don’t think there’s a cure for it, though I’m pretty sure patience would help. If you know where to buy patience, or at least steal it, let me know.
30. June - 9:06 am.-= Nic´s last blog ..Faith =-.
For what it’s worth, I’ve felt the exact way you’re feeling. Mike and I dated for 2.5 years before we got engaged, and I was ready for that ring right around, oh, 9 months. He needed to catch up with me, and it took him fooooorever. But he got there, and when he asked I had no doubts he was ready. (Not that that stopped me from starting 9 kajillion “when are you going to be reaaaady?” conversations.) MY GOD a human being can only be expected to be so patient before going a little bit insane.
Also, the “when are you getting married?” questions are just plain tacky. Seriously, if we’re not engaged HOW ON EARTH WOULD I KNOW WHEN WE’RE GETTING MARRIED.
1. July - 8:22 am.-= She Likes Purple´s last blog ..Post-move bullets! =-.
I get that everyone who reads your blog is your friend but someone should tell you to calm down. You guys have only been together a year!! You are an adult in a solid relationship but did you even think about how your little post could make him feel? If i were your friend I would tell you to calm down, stop over thinking it, and enjoy your boyfriend because bitchfests like that can get a girl dumped if you push to hard.
2. July - 5:14 amSara, it’s obvious you’ve never read this blog before. So, before you call it a bitchfest, do some research. Also, I don’t write anything on this blog about my boyfriend that I wouldn’t share with him. He knows how I feel. Also, I’ll let you know this, we push ‘too hard’ not push ‘to hard.’
2. July - 5:25 amYou have some mighty thin skin for someone who writes a blog. I take back any comment that offended you. You are a treasure and I cannot imagine someone not wanting spend the rest of their life with you. And your cat TOO.
2. July - 6:14 amDooooooooood I was so there. We were friends for 6 years then dated three and half before getting engaged. and I was such a HATER. It seemed like everyone was getting married but us. I made myself crazy with it. But then, I calmed down. and eventually it happened on it’s own – on his terms, so I know he really wants it and is ready. It was well worth the wait looking back, but I totally get where you are.
2. July - 11:46 am.-= Aimee´s last blog ..Another Reason To Hate Work =-.
No, no thin skin, it’s called standing up for myself.
3. July - 7:30 amI hear ya, dawg. We were together four years before getting engaged and had never even talked about. I started wondering if he even ever wanted to get married. And coming from the South where everyone gets married at 22 (or younger) after knowing each other for six months or less, I absolutely HATED fielding the “so when is it your turn?” questions. All I can say is your day will come, too, lovely!
4. July - 6:32 am.-= Camels & Chocolate´s last blog ..Photo Friday: Cocoa Beach, Florida* =-.
Well, at least you have a boyfriend. And you don’t get the pity stares like I do because “well, at least you’re not as bad off as Kristin who will never get married and will have 10 cats soon.”
You’re allowed to feel that way. We all want to be happy and have that one person in our life, committed to us and take a vow in front of family and friends. It’s hard to put that little jealousy bug out of your ear!
Also, can we talk about buying gifts for bachelorette parties? When did that become the norm? (I know yours was a combo one.) But Jesus, like I don’t spend enough on my friends’ weddings as it is. Now I have to know what underwear they’ll be wearing on their honeymoon? What happened to just buying the bride to be a shit ton of alcohol?
(Can you tell I have a bachelorette party soon?)
6. July - 12:18 pm.-= Kristabella´s last blog ..I Need A Vacation From This Holiday =-.
if it’s any consolation darling, Narda and I were together 9 years before we got married…. ;)
Granted, it’s a wee different when someone in the relationship has a penis, but still! So you know, it’s all good.
8. July - 8:25 am.-= shelli´s last blog ..Food, inc =-.