I’m so excited to bring you the Very! First! Burger Review in the Girls’ Guide to the Perfect Portland Burger. This is from my dearie, Ashleigh. I could tell you how much I love Ashleigh for hours, and hours…but I think you really want to hear about the burger. Want to review a burger? Let me know!

When what you want is a memory of something old-fashioned (meaning the first time you ate one in high school), full of flavor, and with a side of crispy-soft fries, you’ll head over to Christopher’s Gourmet Grill in NE Portland.

The outside of the building is deceiving. It’s an unadorned small structure that is made out of silver sheeting, with a sandwich board out front, a blinking “OPEN” sign in a front window, and a vinyl sign on the side of the building proclaiming “Seafood.” However, once you step in, your ideas of what constitutes a good girl burger will forever change. There are little candles on all the tables, and new blue glass lights overhead. Keith Sweat and Boyz II Men stream out of the speakers and there is light chatter all around. It’s homey.

To start this review, and clear up all confusion, this is not a bistro burger. There are no thinly-shaved onion crispies, no truffles, no expensive cheese, no 10-seed buns, and thankfully, no ½ pound of meat. This is the original cheeseburger with “girl friendly” toppings. In my opinion, the best part of this burger is the slimmer patty. The rest of the cheeseburger is standard, but fabulous. Freshly shredded lettuce, big juicy, sliced tomatoes, chopped white onion, a handful of pickle chips and a homemade secret sauce that mimics Thousand Island dressing, but with some spicy garlic that enhances the entire arrangement. Plus, the crowning jewel, a thin slice of cheddar cheese (they also have American if you’re going for the complete throwback). Full of flavor, yet simple. The burger is garnished with steak fries, or follow my lead, and request crispy crinkle fries. Total mouth love.

Christopher’s also offers seafood baskets, Cajun chicken burgers, BBQ, plenty of sides, sweet potato pie, and the big-bad-daddy burger of all time, The Man-Up Burger. The Man-Up Burger contains everything on the basic burger plus bacon, more cheese, an egg and a Louisiana hot link (definitely, not my idea of a good “girl” burger). The Man-Up Burger makes my heart choke thinking about it, but the skinny guy in line ordered one and he said he orders one once a month just to keep his heart happy.

Since my first trip to Christopher’s Gourmet Grill, I’ve visited a few times, but only for take-out. While the inside is clean, and there is always a good variety of people, I prefer to enjoy my Christopher’s Cheeseburgers in the comfort of my own home. And honestly, I can walk there and walk back home in about 15 minutes, which gives me a tidy conscious once I bite into my burger wonderland.

Christopher’s Gourmet Grill

3962 NE Martin Luther King Blvd

Portland, OR 97212

One really fun thing about being engaged is that everyone is really, genuinely happy for you. Seeing a girlfriend and having her grab my left hand and then jump up and down with me or having the bartender at your local wine bar yell, “Hey! Congrats Guys!” is fantastic and has not gotten old (yet). And, I’m loving it. But, one thing that I never, ever expected is that even some of your very best friends and family members won’t acknowledge a damn thing. And, if there’s anything I hate, it’s being ignored. I hate being ignored so much that as a child, my mother would use ignoring me as a child rearing technique. And, it worked.

So, here’s the deal. I should not feel guilty because I’m engaged. The boy and I are in love. We’ve been dating over a year and we’ve been discussing this for ages. But, I do feel guilty. I feel like I’ve hurt this friend’s feelings, I feel like this friend is mad at me and I feel like I’m going to be putting this friend in an uncomfortable situation when I potentially ask this friend to be in my bridal party.

I know I had my share of mini-meltdowns a while back when I felt that I was the only Not Engaged Girl in the world. But, I acknowledged the engagements, weddings, parties, etc. of my girlfriends and I hope they never felt like I was being a big fat baby. Even though I was throwing a giant temper tantrum on the inside.

My family members, I’m not so worried about. Their social skills are not fully developed, and possibly never will be. But, I’m really torn about what to do about my friend. Do I call her and say, “I’ve noticed that you’ve not responded to any of my texts or emails about my engagement…” Or, do I call her and not mention it, hoping she will? Or, do I just call her and ask her to be in my damn wedding already even though she’s totally hurting my feelings?

Internet, your advice is appreciated.

• I know you’re wondering, “Rhiannon, what time did you wake up this morning?” Well, I’ll tell you: 4:57 a.m. Here it is, an hour later, and I’m already ready for a nap.
• So as it turns out, I’m getting married.
• Let me tell you that even the most preliminary planning is stressful. Mainly: guest list.
• I bought the iWedding iPhone App, which was probably a huge waste of $7.99, but I kind of like it.
• Anyway, the purchase of this app led me to the realization that I have major bridezilla potential. I told this to Twitter, like I tell all my deepest darkest secrets. Anyway, my dearest Nic, suggested we have a code word such as Flugel Horn*, to let me know when I’ve done gone too far. So, flugel horn it is. I hope you never have to use it.
• Now, speaking of being engaged…did you all watch the Real Housewives last night?
• Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear.
• Does it appear to you that Kim is already wearing both her engagement ring AND her wedding band? Because that it what it looked like to me. And, that shit is tacky.
• Please know, I am a ring expert, now that I’ve been the proud owner of an engagement ring for almost 2 weeks now.
• It pains me to say that we have Oregon tickets for tomorrow that I don’t think we’ll use. We’re both still so tired and the though of a 2 hour drive, a 4 hour game and another 2 hour drive makes me want to cry. Let me know if you’re interested in perhaps purchasing some awesome seats to see the Ducks KILL WSU.
• But, you must understand, I love the Ducks MORE THAN ANYTHING and I feel like it’s my personal responsibility to them to attend the game. You see, in the 13 years that I’ve been attending Ducks games IN PERSON, they’ve never ever lost a game in which I was in the stands.
• But, so tired. So very, tired.
• Furthermore, this weekend is the Greek Festival, a Bacon Festival, a Cheese Festival, and also a Hops Festival. How can I say no to all those things? Surely I can’t attend them all, but I will try my best.
• Also, it kind of makes me want to cry that there is something going on EVERY weekend until Thanksgiving.
• But, one of those weekends, we’ll be in Chicago where I’ll drink beers with Kristabella and also see the J.Crew wedding collection at the Michigan Avenue store. YAY.
• Do you know what’s weird? It’s weird to see your boyfriend, ahem, fiancee every single day for 10 whole days and then come home and not see him for 2 days in a row. That is weird and it is stupid. I’m looking forward to a weekend with him.
• OH! If you haven’t yet, please click over to see my new pretty blog. The lovely and talented Carrisa updated my template for me as the person I hired to redo my blog totally flaked out on me.
• Now, I’d like to try to squeeze in a nap before it’s time to leave for work.
• What are you doing this weekend, my lovelies?

*God, How I Met Your Mother, I love you.