• Wedding talk shall be kept to a minimum in this post, because quite frankly, I’m sick of talking about it. I’ll be answering no more wedding related emails/texts/phone calls for the duration. I’m burnt out and I can’t take a break from work, so I’ll just have to take a break from the other huge cause of stress in my life.
• With that said, our engagement photos are tomorrow and I have nothing to wear. I am wearing my J.Brand jeans and my Hunter Wellies (if it rains) and that’s all I have planned. Please send suggestions. Keep in mind that I have to be able to go buy these things. Also, I’m going to a mall after work that has an Anthropologie and a J.Crew. But, it’s a fancy J.Crew that only has women’s clothings. This makes me happy.
• Anyway, go forth! Find me something to wear (please).
• Do you know my friend Melissa Lion? (are we friends, Melissa? I hope so!) (I’ve met her once, but I like to think that I was charming enough for her to want to be my friend) Well, yesterday she posted a link to Soul Notes, which are described as a “Daily Note from Inner You.” Well, I do what I’m told and I signed up for these yesterday and I’m already loving it. Today’s ends with, “Marching in your parade, throwing my baton and scooping up elephant poop,  I loves you-.” This is making me very happy this morning. You should go subscribe to Soul Notes now.
• Remember last week when I said that I was going to get a one million dollar headlight? (it was $102). Well, that headlight ended up being two million dollars ($220). Also, when they were done taking all my money, they told me I needed a four million dollar tune-up ($450). This is what I hate about being an adult. Can’t I just get a new car?
• Also, they changed the station in my car to CharlieFM. If you know me, you know I have VERY STRONG OPINIONS about the music I listen to. Charlie is not on the list of approved music. Thankfully,  I was able to get back to my happy place of NPR very quickly, so no lasting harm was done.
• Crazy Cat Lady Alert: We’ve put the Goo on a diet. I was all ready to buy her full fat food when I saw a display of food for svelte cats at the pet store and I thought to myself, “I’ll bet Gelsey would like to be svelte.” Here is a before photo. Stay tuned for the after photo.
• Speaking of diets. I’ve invented yet another new diet. It’s called the “Eat Happy Hour Shrimp at your Former Favorite Happy Hour Spot and Spend the Whole Next Day Doubled Over in Pain Diet.” Bill lost 5 pounds on this diet. I was not as lucky. To be fair, he did eat more shrimp, so he deserves to lose more weight. I really should write a book. I’d make millions.
• One last piece of wedding talk: have any of you used a Honeymoon Registry? If so, which one did you use and did you like it or hate it?
• Okay, that’s it! Have a good weekend, lovelies! Before you go…let me know, if you were going to see a movie tonight, which one would you see? We’re seeing a movie tonight and it’s not my turn to pick the movie, which quite frankly scares me. If I can provide enough back up evidence for another movie, I may get to pick again. (SNEAKY!)

Apparently, the most asshole thing a bride and groom can do is not invite children to their wedding.

So, I’ll just go ahead and put it out there…we’re not inviting children to our wedding. I do not feel bad about this, I’m not sorry about it, and quite frankly, I shouldn’t even have to justify it.

This includes infants and toddlers, because, well, it’s my wedding and I say so. This does not include the children in our wedding, which include my two nieces (flower girls) and my step-nephew (ring bearer), also my best friend’s children who will be doing readings during the ceremony. They’ll all be leaving after dinner, however, because I want the adults to have a kid-free good time. Also, I want to play the NON-CENSORED version of DMX’s Party Up. (shut up, I love that song)

Bill and I are having a formal wedding, in a formal setting. The ceremony begins at 6 p.m., which in many instances indicates that it’s a black tie event. We’re not going quite that far, but still it’s a formal event. We have a large guest list and space is very limited. If I close my eyes and imagine my perfect wedding, the noises I hear are glasses clinking, Pink Martini playing in the background, occasional laughter…and no fussing, or crying.

And, really, for my friends? That should be enough of an explanation. Actually, that should be enough of an explanation for anyone. This is MY WEDDING. This is one day in my life when everything will truly be about me (and Bill), and I don’t want distractions there that will take away from that. Furthermore, I think it’s extremely selfish for a parent to assume that they can bring their child, of any age, to any event. Would you bring your kid to the theater? No, because likely your child isn’t allowed. And, it would be rude to the other people who paid for tickets. So, I think of like that. Bill and I are basically paying for a fancy theater evening for 200 of our friends and family. Don’t ruin it for everyone else by bringing your kid.

I will say that most of my friends and family members are totally cool with my decision. They are looking forward to a night out and understand that their kids aren’t invited everywhere. It’s just a select few that are acting like the world revolves around them. So…sorry if this sounds harsh, but this is my wedding and on this one night, the world revolves around me (and Bill).

• Friday Bullets are returning. You’re welcome.
• I know delurking day was yesterday, but will do me a favor and delurk today? I was very, very busy yesterday and couldn’t post. I promise to come visit your blog if you do. (generous, I know)
• I’d like to be excited about my 3-day weekend, but I have to work tomorrow, so I’m bitter.
• The work in question is manning womanning a booth at the Portland Boat Show.
• Where I’ve so far spent two days trying to refrain from hopping on a mini-yacht and singing this.
• And, because I apparently can’t get enough of fluorescent lighting, I’ll be attending the Portland Bridal Show on Sunday.
• I’m breaking out into a case of hives over the Bridal Show because a) I don’t have the bride gene and b) I don’t really identify with girls who do. I’m sick of hearing about my own wedding, so I sure as shit don’t want to hear about yours.
• Also, today will hopefully be the end of my headlight saga.
• Long story short: I got pulled over last week for my headlight being out. I got an oil change on Monday where I hoped they could replace the headlight. They could not. The headlight is a million dollars. Except, nobody carries it. I threw a fit. Then, promptly found someone who had the headlight in stock, and at the low, low price of $100.
• And, let me tell you…if you ever want to feel like an idiot, take yourself to the auto parts store. They will make you feel like an idiot. ESPECIALLY if there are girls working there. BTW, hey auto part ladies? We all take different paths in life. I’m sure I know about a lot of shit that you have no clue about and I’m not talking down to you. So, cut it out. Actually, the same goes, I suppose for the men.
• In other news, we’ve booked our wedding caterer. Finally. I’m excited for Oil Poached Tuna on Endive with Caviar.
• I’m even more excited that we just, last night, booked our European Honeymoon Extravaganza!
• Ooh! I had dinner with my favorite gal and bridesmaid extraordinaire Ash this week at Gruner, and look how they bring you the bill!
• BTW, if you’re local, you have to go there now. Get the duck liver pate, the smashed potatoes, the Gruner salad, the squash dumplings and also the mushroom gratin. And, the pizza thing.
• With that, I’m off to put together the perfect nautical outfit for the boat show. Ahoy!
• (Abrupt, I know, but I just saw the time)