Thursday, October 11th, 2012
Getting in the Picture
If you haven’t read the recent Huffington Post piece The Mom Stays in the Picture please go do that. And, then come back here. I’ll wait.
I’ve spent a lot of time during Henry’s 11 months of life worrying about pictures. Pictures of him and pictures of us. There are only a few pictures of he and I together during his early days and that makes me want to cry. The photos that I do have of us together are well…awful. I can’t stand looking at them. I look exhausted and ugly and there’s usually crap in the background. There’s a photo of a very teeny Henry asleep on my chest that would be really cute if it weren’t for the fact that I look so…squishy in it. I want to look happy, in love and well…skinny and beautiful. I wish I could get past the fact that there’s a gorgeous newborn in my arms, but I just can’t.
I’m not the mom that can look put together at all times. I go to play dates, classes and library story time with my hair in a topknot and no makeup on my face. I’m fine with this but for some reason I’m not fine with being in a picture like this. So, I’m not. I don’t get in the picture. And, then late at night after I put my baby to bed, I’ll scroll through his pictures on my iPhone and get a little sad that there are so few pictures of me with him.
But this from the aforementioned Huffington Post piece, this struck a chord with me: “…we really need to make an effort to get in the picture. Our sons need to see how young and beautiful and human their mamas were.” So, here I am. I’m getting in the picture. I owe it to my little boy. I want him to see the love in my eyes for him. I may look tired, I may look frumpy, but hopefully he’ll see that I love him.
Christmas Day 2011, 6 weeks old
Comments on this post
Thank you for sharing the article & writing this post! I hope I can remember this in the next few months…
11. October - 7:49 amMeaghan´s last [type] ..30 Weeks!
I think of this often and I don’t even have kids yet. My MIL passed away 2 years ago and while watching home videos on the one year anniversary it was clear that she tried to avoid the camera at all cost. Often times she would be behind the camera so as not to be caught on camera. It was nice to hear her voice but would have been nice to see her more in the footage too. My husband gave me a camcorder for Christmas last year and I vowed to not be afraid to be filmed so that family and friends can remember me if something ever happens.
11. October - 7:54 amRhi, thanks for sharing that post with me. I hadn’t seen it yet.
While I do have pictures of me with my kids, they are all self portraits taken with my phone. I love the idea of having pictures of me doing stuff with my kids. But for that someone else would have to take them. I guess I’ll need to tell my husband that.
You look great in the above picture. You are happy…and it shows!!
11. October - 7:55 amIsabel´s last [type] ..In which The King and I have some missed connections in our youth
That’s a good idea. Also, you look so HAPPY in that photo with him!
11. October - 8:06 amKristabella´s last [type] ..BlogHer 2012: YOLO
I don’t think you look tired or frumpy, even though you may have felt that way – caring for another human being constantly can be taxing! But you look beautiful and happy, so don’t be too harsh on yourself.
(And he’s so tiny! And he’s not tiny any more! AH!).
11. October - 9:18 amI like this movement to get women in the picture. Even back 40 years ago, my mom wasn’t in a lot of photos with me and it makes me sad not to have those of us.
You look lovely!
11. October - 9:32 amsizzle´s last [type] ..So that happened
Well first of all, you look beautiful in that picture! Also, you were 6-weeks’ post-birth? HELL NO DON’T BELIEVE IT. You look great.
And second of all, OMG I so totally get this. I have very few pictures of LG and I (although I surprisingly took a ton during her early days, so at least there’s that?), but what breaks my heart is we have almost no pictures as a family and NO professional shots of us. It’s criminal.
11. October - 10:25 amYou look (and ARE) beautiful. You’re GLOWING in that photo.
11. October - 10:38 amAngella´s last [type] ..My Baby Is Six
Whenever I take a picture with the kids I’m really aware of how young I will look in about twenty years. I look at pictures of my mom when I was a small child and I’m always struck at how simply…YOUNG she looks. She also looks radiant, happy, and blissfully ignorant of almost everything else around her. I love pictures of her with us in the early 80′s.
So, that’s what I think when I might look less-than-perfect: one day I will think I look amazing in this moment, and so will my kids.
11. October - 1:43 pmYou look happy and lovely in your new mamahood!
I look at pictures of myself with baby Annalie now, and remember that at the time I felt unwashed and unkempt and lumpy, and I have to laugh. From my perspective now, in those photos I look young and happy and lovely.
Also, like Kay, when my father-in-law passed away several years ago, I realized how few photos I had of him, even though I’d known him for a decade. The one Christmas when we were all together–my husband and both his sisters, and all the spouses and grandkids–I didn’t take a single photo because I felt awkward being pushy about asking people to pose for photos. I have regretted it ever since. My SIL doesn’t have a single photo of her dad with either of her sons. That’s just sad.
11. October - 11:01 pmbethany actually´s last [type] ..sunsets and clouds
First, you look AMAZING for having a 6-week–old baby. Second, as a professional photographer, your post and the Huffington Post article both echoed inside of me. I cried. I realized that I, too, still avoid photos, with or without my son. He’s three and a half now. This means that I have a handful of photos I deem worthy of sharing, and a hell of a lot of photos in which I’m not present. You’re absolutely right – we owe our children our presence. I will endeavor to promote mama-presence in my personal and my professional photos. Thank you so very much for sharing. (Also, you’re gorgeous. Horizontal stripes, 6 weeks postpartum? Incredible!)
11. October - 11:48 pmYou look gawgeous! I know what you mean, though, and I can see why that post struck such a chord. This is something I’m working on too.
PS – Who is this mythical mom who looks pulled together all the time? I’m not inviting her to my playgroup, that’s for sure ;-)
12. October - 8:33 amMelissa´s last [type] ..Housekeeping Note: Pretty New Blog Design
I love this post & I love the post from Huffington! Brought tears to my eyes! Everything speaks to me. Thank you for sharing. I had Ryan read it, so he knows how important it is to catch a few photos of me (I’m almost always behind the lens) even if I initially protest. I love your example photo, with so much going on in the background, & there is you, a glowing new mama, your handsome son, looking so meant for each other. And you looked fab when I saw you the other day- do you get your make up done professionally? GLOWING!
16. October - 9:30 pm