I’m doing this thing where if I get something new, I have to get rid of something. Like, if I get a new blouse, I have to get rid of an article of clothing (sometimes it’s a pair of socks, or a promotional t-shirt, but whatever, MY RULES). Anyway, I can donate it, I can take it to resale, I can give it to someone, it just has to leave Casa de RhiRhi.

Now, I’m currently trying to figure out how to make this exercise work in reverse. For instance: I’m listing two Kate Spade bags on eBay. Clearly, I should buy two more, right? One? Please?

But, anyway. One area I have been successful in applying this to is my television watching. I have recently given up the following:

Ugly Betty: I don’t know why, just lame. LAME! I watched one episode this season and then last week noticed that I had about 8 piled up on my DVR. DELETE!

Desperate Housewives: I cannot buy Gaby as fat and frumpy. SORRY. Furthermore, this program was starting to coincide with my beloved Iron Chef America recordings. (Hi Alton!, I love you!)

Grey’s Anatomy: Really, Izzie’s having sex with a dead guy? THAT IS JUST SICK.

But, despite the huge disappointment that ABC is this year, (really guys? you’re not picking up Dirty Sexy Money? WITH PETER KRAUSE?) I’m quite pleased with what I’ve picked up:

Top Chef: OMG, HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS SHOW? My money is on the Finn (The Finns are a competitive people, WE ALWAYS WIN). The boy has picked some other guy to win, but historically (and when I say historically, I mean it happened once) the guy he picks makes it to the final three and then gets kicked off. And, my guy goes on to the final two.

Gossip Girl: In two weeks, I turn 30, which probably makes me outside the target audience for this program. But, STILL. I’m just about done with Season 1 from Netflix, and I’m scheming a way to catch up with this season so I can start watching them live. WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS SHOW?

So, I have room for one more show. What am I missing out on? (if you say The Hills, it’s over between us)

I asked that you remind me of two things: (a) The story of how I spilled beer on someone’s kid, and (b) how we ran into a CELEBRITY at a bar in Chicago. You did neither.

Well, I forgive you and I’m telling you Story B right now. Last Saturday Night, in Chicago, we ran into the ONE AND ONLY, MYSTERY. We’re pretty sure he was teaching one of his “in-field workshops” as he was surrounded by a bunch of awkward looking men. Also, I’m not sure you can tell by the photo, but he also had quite a harem of um, skanks around him. I would have liked to have my photo with him, because that in a frame would have been a fantastic Christmas gift for friends and family (what? it wouldn’t have been?)

Anyway, we were SO EXCITED because (a) The Pickup Artist is our total guilty pleasure show on VH1, and (b) we were maybe a little bit intoxicated. So, tell me, do you watch this ridiculous show? Or, have you run into a celebrity as fantastic as Mystery.

Was this not the most boring episode of the Bachelor ever?

I’m just going to make two categories here: Things that Annoy Me and Things that Do Not Annoy Me. Actually, that may be a good alternate name for this blog.

Things that Annoy Me:

• Shayne. Everything about her
• Marshana, and everything about her
• Girls who show boys their bras. I am talking to you, KELLEY.
• Girls who think Wimbledon has a ‘T’ in it. I am talking to you ROBIN

Things that Do Not Annoy Me:

• Ashlee getting sent home. But, sweetie? When you’re 29 and still single, come talk to me. Until then? Shut the hell up.

Weird? My annoy list is significantly larger than my not annoy list. Who knew?

Alternate Title: Oh, Shut Up, Shayne

In the beginning of the program, Chris tells us about a charming young couple who have decided to redecorate their dining room. Oh, wrong Chris Harrison recap. I’m also a fan of Designer’s Challenge.

Okay, for reals. Chris tells us that there will be two one on one dates and one group date. Our gal Holly, the children’s book author gets the first date.

Chris and Holly go to a faux Hollywood Premiere. Holly is totally lady like when she gets out of the limo. We do NOT want to see what would happen if I got out of a limo, on camera. Luckily, I ALWAYS wear panties. Cute ones.

Later, Matt pulls a total cheeseball move in the hot tub. An aside for my Canby girls – how does Matt rate as an HTD?  Holly gets a rose, and for that, I am glad.

I really have nothing to say about the group date – except, Ashlee wants us to know that she hates football AND British football. Okay, dear. See you at the orthodontist!

Robin gets the rose on the group date – but, I am not shocked by this, nor am I upset.

Meanwhile, Shayne is telling Holly how much she misses tanning. Well! She told the right gal! Because, Holly has brought her spray tanner from home.

Aside to my BlogHer girls – Now, I am not going to have room to pack mine, so Jennie? Carly? Who will bring theirs?

Back on track. OH MY. It’s time for Shayne’s date. I’m switching to bullets here, it’s just easier.

• Is it just me, or is Shayne wearing the same shade of lipstick that your Barbie wore the entire time you were growing up?
• When did we add an ‘l’ to the word saw?
• Those boots? Are you going to the mountain, Shayne?
• Is your dad, just your dad? Or, is he also a huge tool?
• What would be more devastating – not getting a rose? or not getting to spray tan for a week?

Okay – nothing really shocked me about the rose ceremony. I loved the drama at the end. I do think it was a little bitchy of Robin to steal Matt away when she already had a rose, but I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same thing. BUT – her best line? “Marriage isn’t like that, it’s marriage!” Thank you, Robin, for now I have the BEST REALITY SHOW IDEA EVER!!!

Are you ready?
Who wants to be a sister wife!!!

And, with that, I am going to bed.

This will be a short post today my dears, as I am experiencing Antibiotic Allergic Reaction #2, complete with swollen tongue and slurred speech! If you know me in real life, and need a laugh, I suggest you call me, because once you hear my voice, you’ll be rolling on the floor in a fit of laughter. I’ll be crying, because my doctor has placed me on the BRAT diet for some damn reason. So far, I’ve substitued a croissant for toast and a caramel apple spice from Starbucks for applesauce. Awesome! 

On to the recap:

Okay, okay. I GET IT. You love music. You play the clarinet. You sing opera. You play the piano. FANTASTIC. You know what, though? It’s freaking boring to watch.

My first concern is, that many of these girls have never heard of this program, The Bachelor. They don’t seem to realize that he is going to be interacting with MANY other girls. I’m talking to you, SHAYNE.  Shayne annoys me for several reasons. First of all, she calls herself an actress. Thank you SO MUCH She Likes Purple, for looking her up on IMDB. Red Bikini Girl? Really, sweetie?

Secondly, I’d like to send Ashlee to my orthodontist, her teeth remind me of Jewel’s teeth. I have been cursed in that I’ve had braces three times, so I’d like everyone to at least have them once. Secondly, I’m with She Likes Purple. The “I got a rose dance” is NOT the way to make friends with the other girls.

Lastly, I was really sad to see the Church Marketing Gal go, because I was hoping at one point she’d explain just what the heck church marketing is. I’d also like to take this opportunity to remind these girls that we DO NOT cry over boys we’ve known for 13 minutes as a result of a tv show. You have fallen in like with him, at best, and we do not cry over boys that we fall in like with. Especially if they’re dating 14 other women at the same time. That is all.

My picks:

Noelle

Amanda

Annoying the hell out of me (thus I refuse to link to them):

Marshana

Shayne

Ashlee