There have been several times over the past few weeks that I’ve had to take a long hard look at myself and say, “Dear God Woman, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” On one of these occasions, I found myself sitting at my favorite wine bar barely able to lift the glass to my mouth because my arms hurt so badly. On another occasion, I found myself putting a raw chicken leg onto a crab trap.

Dearest readers, what has happened to me?

Adventure 1: Rafting the Deschutes

The girl, soaking wet

Mid-August, we packed up the Saab and headed to Central Oregon to enjoy a rafting trip that I had won earlier in the year at our annual tourism conference. After delicious food and wine, we went to bed in our cozy rental house and woke up way to early to join our guides. This day turned out to be the Best. Day. Ever and also an awesome upper body workout, but only on one arm because I sat on the same side of the boat for most of the day. Maybe it wasn’t my best idea to wear a white tank top, but I love the little ruffle at the shoulder and at least you can see my darling brown halter bikini underneath it. Also, I wore my new favorite hat. It’s my outdoors hat. Or, the hat I wear on Sundays when I don’t want to brush my hair.

The Verdict: I really love being on the water. I also love it when my arms hurt. (Weird) Let’s do something like this again.

Adventure Two: Scappoose Bay Kayaking

The girl, her arms about ready to fall off

The very next weekend, we decided to go kayaking. My boyfriend is a Super Star Kayaker. I say this because a) he’s cute b) he has his own sea kayak and c) this is my blog and I can say whatever I want. Also, he’s cute. I was ready to quit before we even left the house because you have to put the kayak on the TOP OF THE CAR and that thing is heavy. But, I was bribed with the promise of an Egg McMuffin, so off we went. Once we were in the water I was oh so very close to losing my shit within the first ten minutes. But, I am a big girl and not a quitter, so I kept on. For being such a good sport and not quitting or crying, I was rewarded with yummy, yummy dinner at Tabla. (So what if I’m motivated by food.) And, look! There’s my outdoors hat again! It shielded the sun from my ghost-like face and also kept the buggies out of my hair.

The Verdict: So much fun and I want my own kayak, so long as it’s pink.

Adventure Three: Crabbing

The girl, not dressed for the occasion

Just last weekend, we went to the Oregon Coast, to introduce our parents to each other (OMG). The boy had been telling me about this nonsense Crab Hawking for ages and ages. But, I’m an Outdoors Woman, now, so I was game. I secured my Very First Oregon Shellfish License and off we went. Yet again, I was motivated by food. But, this time it was the food we were going to make with our bounty! Crab Stuffed Piquillo Peppers! Corn and Crab Chowder! Well, we caught a MILLION crabs. A MILLION. But, they were all female, or tiny males. So, we kept nothin’. We drowned our sorrows over Rogue Beers and then went out for dinner that night. Boo. But, what I did notice midway through our crabbing adventure was that I matched perfectly. Grey pants, pink Dri-Fit top and PINK AND GREY TEVA TRAIL SHOES. Also, my outdoors hat, a J.Crew corduroy jacket and diamond earrings. What?

The verdict: I will not accept failure, so we shall do this again.

And, there you have it. I’ve no clue what’s happened to me. I’ve agreed to kayak yet again while we’re on vacation NEXT WEEK and after that, who knows? I assure you of this: I will look darling no matter what I do. And, chances are, I’ll be wearing my outdoors hat.

(oh, psst! go over here to learn about a great way to keep homeless families warm this winter)

• Hello. When we last spoke, it was in a bulleted post much like this one. I promise to write an un-bulleted post soon. But, today is not the day.
• Remember my awesome and darling Kate Spade dress? Well, I ordered it and it’s poop. Please see for yourself. Back to the store it goes today.
• Nic send me a bunch of new dresses to look at, and I’m QUITE CONFIDENT that I’ll find a replacement in the links she sent.
• On the same day that my Kate Spade dress arrived, my Victoria’s Secret order also arrived, and do you know what? Every single item fit. I’m pretty sure this has never, ever happened in the history of Victoria’s Secret’s Ill Fitting Clothing and Swimwear.
• So, what in the hell is the deal with Kourtney Kardashian? I get that she got herself knocked up by her douchey ex-boyfriend. But, everyday, I look at my People.com iGoogle Gadget and there she is. I now know more about her than I do about any of my own friend’s pregnancies.
• Remember how we went to Bend last weekend? Well, the house was darling (I took no pictures), the food was great (I took pictures of almost everything I ate) and rafting was so fun. Photos of our trip here.
• Paddling the raft made my arms hurt the next day in seriously, the best way possible. It sounds weird, but it’s the kind of upper body workout I crave. So, tomorrow, we’re going to try and recreate my awesome upper body workout with kayaking the Columbia.
• And, now you’re probably wondering just what in the hell has gotten into me with all this outdoorsy stuff. I DO NOT KNOW.
• Today, hopefully, we’ll wrap up a HUGE PROJECT at work. I’m very excited to show you all what we’ve been working on.
• And, speaking of work, I just counted and there are only 18 work days until I go on vacation. HIP, HIP, HURRAY!
• And, with that. I’m off to work to work on said huge project.
• Enjoy your weekend friends!

• Last night was the premiere of So You Think You Can Dance. One year ago, I was at my friend Melanie’s house watching this very program and perhaps drinking a lot of wine when a commercial for Free Communication Weekend on eHarmony came on. Melanie told me to sign up.
• The next day, I did. The next day after that, my boy and I began “communicating”, and HOLY CRAP, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?
• It means I only have a couple of weeks to find the Perfect Anniversary Gift. Budget? $200. Now, go! Find something for me!
• It also means that I will forever associate So You Think You Can Dance with meeting my boyfriend. Tell me that is not the most romantic and sweet thing you’ve ever heard.
• Speaking of my boyfriend, apparently he was drinking heavily one day, because he challenged me on Nike+ to run 50 miles by the end of June. Of course there is a prize (yet to be determined) for whoever finishes first.
• I am going to win this prize. (We are the most competitive couple EVER)
• I’ve been told that there is a $1 flip flop sale this weekend at Old Navy. I’d very much like to procure some $1 flip flops, but I feel that in doing so I’m supporting the horrible, terrible, no good mannequin commercials.
• I’m quite pleased that we don’t have too many definite plans this weekend. You know, other than sitting outside in the sun with an adult beverage and a good book.
• We will be going to my good friend Cherie’s house on Sunday where I will be bringing this coleslaw.
• Enable me please. Do I need this blouse? And this one? And these pumps, and also this dress? All of these items are in my cart with a 20% off code just begging to be purchased.
• Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’m going for a run – I have a challenge to win. (Oh, HILARIOUS side note: guess who went off to Chicago this week without his Nike+ transmitter? None of his runs will count toward the 50 miles. HA!)

My body hasn’t been the same since my surgery last summer. I came out of the operating room with 3 incisions and a bloated, uncomfortable belly. For a few weeks, I was confined to yoga pants and dresses with basically no shape. Once the bloating went down and my body returned to as normal as it was ever going to be again, I was injected with powerful hormones that would render my body unrecognizable to me.

This was not on the list of side effects given to me when I agreed to this treatment. My doctor gave me the go ahead to begin working out again on the same day she prescribed the Lupron. I worked out with a trainer several times a week with the goal of weighing a certain amount by my 30th birthday. I noticed that my body was changing – but not for the better. On one day in October, during a training session before work, I had my weight and measurements taken.

I weighed ten pounds more. My thighs were larger. My hips were larger. My body fat percentage had increased. I cried the entire way home. I mentioned this to my doctor during a check up – and she told me, “This treatment is changing your body – you just have to eat less and work out more. ” I cried all the way home from that visit, too.

So, of course, I did the smart thing and didn’t work out again. IT MADE SENSE TO ME, OKAY? Needless to say, I met my 30th birthday at a weight I had never hoped I’d see. I didn’t recognize my body. I moved the full length mirror that resided in my bathroom to the guest room, eliminating any chance that I’d catch a glimpse of myself getting out of the shower. I stopped trying on clothes when shopping.

Those close to me know tht the second round of Lupron affected me much more than the first. Coupled with a new job and new commute, I was exhausted in the evenings. Sometimes I went to bed before eight. Also? I was NOT PLEASANT to be around. I damaged some relationships because of my inability to a) be patient b) be wrong and c) make an effort. I was too tired, too cranky, too hot, and too depressed.

At the end of March, I was given a clean bill of uterine health and the Lupron started to wear off. I would have loved it if the extra weight that had accumulated around my abdomen also wore off, but it didn’t. I had a choice – toss all my very expensive jeans in the Goodwill pile or make sure to fit back into them again.

I put Jillian back in my DVD player and Couch to 5K back on my iPod. I discovered the wonder that is Fitness OnDemand. I started paying CLOSE ATTENTION to what I was putting in my mouth (I’m sure my coworkers still have not forgiven me for telling them that there are 1,000 calories in a Taco Del Mar Taco Salad). I started bribing myself with adult beverages (WHATEVER WORKS). The boy told me when I got to my goal weight, he’d buy me a new pair of jeans.

And, for the first time last week, I put on a pair of pants and they were loose. I stepped on the scale, and the number it showed was smaller.  I still have a way to go. I can accept the scars that endometriosis has left on my body. I will not accept the damage Lupron has done to my body.

Oh, and crap on a cracker, I’m wearing a bikini in Las Vegas in TWO DAYS.

• I’m not one to toot my own horn, but this is the fourth time I’ve posted in a week.
• Who in the hell am I kidding? I’m completely one to toot my own horn. Toot toot!
• This weekend was the kind of weekend in Portland where we’re all reminded just why we live here. It was in the 60s on both Saturday and Sunday. Today Yesterday it will be was in the 70s.
• Weekends like we just had are basically the reason I don’t complain about the rain. Because I know, good things come to those who wait.
• We took advantage of the nice weather by visiting 6 wineries.
• I’m thrilled to say that I’ve added a new Rose and a new Pinot Noir to my list of favorites. It’s a long list.
• Oh, also? A Tempranillo.
• I started writing this on Monday, and am super lame and didn’t publish it.
• HOW HARD ARE BULLETS, RHIANNON?
• Yesterday, I drove to the Oregon Coast for the second time in a month FOR WORK. That does not suck.
• The boy took a vacation day and came with me. And, well, I just really like him.
• So, today, my boss and I gave a presentation on social media and I had an anxiety attack MID PRESENTATION. I think I held myself together pretty well. But, crap, anxiety attacks can be exhausting.
• Anyway, I’ve been taking supplements recommended in the book The Mood Cure (recommended by my lovely friend Katherine) and have had pretty good results.
• Hopefully today’s incident was just a fluke. But, I’m still going to look at other ways to manage these attacks.
• Remember how I’m all done with Lupron? Well, I’m evicting the Lupron weight from my body.
• I *think* I gained about 10 pounds during my 6 month treatment. I do know that I once burst into tears at the gym after a weigh in with my trainer showed that I had actually gained weight and inches after 10 personal training sessions.
• And, that was the very last time I went to the gym.
• Don’t question my reasoning on that one. It made tons of sense to Lupron Rhi.
• So, I’m working out again. And, OWIE.
• I might be bribing myself with wine. As in, I cannot have wine until I work out.
• SHUT UP, IT IS WORKING.
• And, that is all for now.