August 21st marked two months that my car has been in the shop. Imagine my excitedment when I received a phone call stating that IT WAS DONE! But, no such luck. It was done, but each and every warning light was lit on the dashboard, so they had to send it to the VW dealership. I requested that my car be sent to my preferred dealership and spoke with a very nice man about this morning. I’ve been on pins and needles all day waiting to hear back about picking up my car. Because, my plans for the weekend? Driving, driving, and driving. With the heated seats on, I don’t care how hot it is.

But, just an hour ago, my phone rang – it was the dealership. Bad News. They asked. Did I buy my car brand new? Why, yes, I did. It had 45 miles on it when I drove it off the lot. Had I ever been in accident? Yes, some idiot pizza boy rear-ended me on the 405 last summer. So, they say say, can you explain to us why the wiring is held together with electrical tape? Um, no, no I cannot.

I am crying and waiting my the phone. I just want to know, who the hell is screwing with my car?

I had a very interesting experience today. I had planned on attending a nearby church to see if I like the service enough to attend regularly. But, for some reason, I felt that I should go to church with Zane. I texted him, asking if it was “okay” and he replied that it was. I almost immediately felt regret. Would this be wise for my still aching heart? Maybe I shouldn’t go? But, I got ready and showed up. Seeing Zane was, well, bittersweet. Words cannot express the feelings that I still have for this man. Anyway, the sermon today was on Compassion. We read from Matthew about blind men who were healed by Jesus. I was so deeply touched by this for some reason. I feel like those blind men everyday, I’m walking around, stumbling, and not getting anything right. I don’t like the way I am living my life and need healing. I had tears in my eyes for most of the service. Afterward, Zane took my outside to let me know that I had serious raccoon eyes going on and asked me what is on my heart.

I really understand now that he’s not who I should be speaking to about this stuff. But, you see, he’s comfortable, he’s familiar, and I’m still not ready to give him up.We chatted for a moment and he went to find a friend of mine. Her and I sat for some time talking about my feelings and she offered her prayers. I left her feeling more content and awake than I have in quite some time. I’m all done with my current way of life. I wish I had accepted the help that was offered to me after the breakup, but I just wasn’t ready. And, now I am. I’m done being mad at God and I am ready to work with him to heal.

And, this, keeps me faithful:

I will not leave unless you bless me Genesis 32:26

It’s no secret that things have been, well, tough for me lately. To review:

1. I’ve broken up with my boyfriend.
2. My car, due to a piece of debris I hit in the road, has a blowout and has been in the shop since June 21st. You see, my car is one of the few VWs made in Germany, so we are waiting for a part to come from Deutschland.
3. I lost my job.
And, the HUMDINGER! 4. My beloved iBook passed away this Saturday. I thought it would all be okay after a quick trip to the Apple Store, but, they confirmed my worst fears – bye bye iBook. So, I opted for plan B and headed off to my storage unit to pick up my geriatric old iMac, purchased in 2001 when I was a junior at PSU. I was lucky enough to find both the power cord and the keyboard, both very smartly packed in unlabled separate boxes. But, when I arrived home and plugged it in to my modem. NO IP ADDRESS.

A couple phone calls to Comcast did NOTHING to remedy this. A visit to the Comcast Service Center to register my modem to my account did NOTHING to remedy this. A phone call to Apple did NOTHING to remedy this (but mainly because I didn’t want to pay $49.95 for Apple Care for my very very out of warranty iMac.) Finally, I called Zane. And, it so happened that he answered his phone, expressed his condolences over by late iBook, and gave me a couple ideas. I expressed to him that I thought Comcast would only allow one IP address per modem, but he said he didn’t think that was it. BUT THEN, he called me back minutes later with someone he was working with who is an APPLE EXPERT. Hell to the freaking yeah. So, imagine how annoyed I was to find out that I was right. Comcast only does allow one IP address per modem. So resetting my modem and letting it sit unplugged for a half hour or so solved the problem. Obnoxious that Comcast failed to mention this nugget of wisdom. His friend was completely helpful and got me back online.

So, what gives? When is enough, enough? Don’t get me wrong, I really know that my problems aren’t all that bad. There are people trapped in mines, underwater, living in war zones. But, I also don’t know how much more I can take?

As I stood at the Roseland Theatre seeing Jonny Lang last night, I must have hitched my jeans up 24 times. So, it got me to thinking about my very favorite jeans, tucked safely on the bottom of my jeans pile, jeans I have not worn in almost 6 long years. I wondered, will they fit?

The last time I wore them on a regular basis, I was 22 years old. I was single, living in a studio in NW Portland. I worked out like CRAZY. In fact, I remember, sitting outside a favorite bar/restaurant of my girlfriends at I and realizing that these jeans were really tight, but in a good way. You see, my thighs were muscular! Thus, making my jeans tight.

Now, let’s fast forward. Today, I am 28. In February at my annual exam with my lady doctor, I weighed 154 pounds. Not a happy moment for me. But, as we all know, I’ve experienced some stress, and for me, with stress, comes weight loss. So, here I am again. Single, and living in a studio in NW Portland. Not the same studio, I’d like to point out. This is the LUXURY studio. (shut up Carrisa, I’ll post photos soon!)

So, here goes the experiment!!

Size 30, and to be fair, I have no clue what I am now. The last pair of jeans I bought were a 12.

Here they are, a bit, well loved with the holes in the knees

Over the legs. Thighs, tush, and tummy still to go.

We did it! YAY!!

And, I am not taking these jeans off, EVER.

Now pardon me, I need to go work out so I can continue to wear them.

Perhaps you’ve heard. I’m unemployed. And, let me start out by saying I LOVE THIS TOWN. I am a Portland girl, through and through. But, to review, I’ve been laid off twice in the last 18 months. Also, dumped. Neither of these things are very fun at all. So, maybe I should branch out and try a new city. I’m 28, single, with no kids. I’ll never be able to do this again. I have a great background in High Tech Marketing and also a good educational background as well. I think I’m a good catch for an employer.

So, what’s your advice? Where should I move? Or, should I stay. And, do you know anybody who’s hiring?

Let me know, and I’ll shoot you my resume.