I’ll admit it. I’m not the easiest of people to get along with. I’m kind of abrasive. I say whatever pops into my head. I’m not tolerant of much. I have many opinions, including many unpopular ones. But, I don’t hesitate to share them.
But, if I’ve not totally offended you after that, I’m a very good friend. I listen and I give honest advice. I’m generous (sometimes too much so) and I’ll drop anything to help a friend.
Unfortunately, I’m at a point in my life that my free time is extremely limited. I’m away from the house eleven hours each day. I’m planning a wedding. I’m house-hunting. And, most importantly, I’m trying to maintain a healthy relationship with my fiance’.
Forgive me if this sounds harsh, but in the little time I have to spend with friends, I want to make sure I’m with people who are good friends to me, people who make me feel good about myself and most importantly people who I have a good time with. I need to be around people who build me up instead of bringing me down. I need friends that make me smile and laugh and want to be a better person. Thankfully, I have many of these. but, as I mentioned over here, I’ve finally realized that being friends with someone for a long time is no reason to continue being friends with them if they’re no longer a good fit.
People grow apart and that’s okay – but growing apart and growing into an entirely different person are two very different things. People get married, they have kids, they grow in their careers, they move away, their priorities change. It’s sad, but it happens. But, on the other hand, sometimes instead of a person’s world growing, their world become smaller. And, the smaller their world gets, they become close-minded, petty, passive-aggressive. And, not only that – they make me feel bad for wanting more, for being successful, for having nice things. They pick and poke and ask off-limits, intrusive questions. They make me feel like I’m not a good friend.
So, as a favor to myself, I’m saying goodbye to these people. My world is getting bigger and I have no room for small and close-minded people. Farewell, toxic friends. You’re not allowed to bring me down anymore.
21 Comments so far
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Good for you, really. Passive-aggressiveness is one of my least favorite qualities ever, and I’m no longer spending a moment of my life worrying about what so-and-so’s problem is if they can’t communicate with me.
By Jennie on 01.05.10 9:17 am | Permalink
Absolutely.
I totally applaud you!
Raven´s last blog ..scarf swap admin
By Raven on 01.05.10 9:19 am | Permalink
Toxic friendships can be so hard to deal with and eventually end, but I find a bit of solace in the fact that we’ve all had to walk down that friendship road in the past, and I think whenever that happens we emerge from the other side better and stronger individuals (and friends!) because of it.
You are worth every effort, friendship-wise, and if someone doesn’t get that, or if they won’t let you be you? Not worth it.
(See you on Saturday, woot!)
Kerri Anne´s last blog ..“Sixteen thirty-two. What is that? A year?”
By Kerri Anne on 01.05.10 9:21 am | Permalink
2009 was my year of getting rid of toxic friends and i fill much lighter and free-er after doing it.
It hurt at the time as i pretty much pared my friends down to the bare bones, but there is no more negativity in my life anymore.
2010 is all about building better friendships.
By Smidge on 01.05.10 9:31 am | Permalink
What a truthful post! And a great way to live your life – for you!
Meaghan´s last blog ..2010!
By Meaghan on 01.05.10 9:35 am | Permalink
Does this mean we can’t be friends anymore???
By Amy on 01.05.10 9:44 am | Permalink
I took this to the next level and stopped seeing family members who were toxic too- I cannot tell you how freeing it was! I’m so happy now.
By Ariel on 01.05.10 9:51 am | Permalink
Good for you! You are such a special person and people should consider themselves LUCKY to be your friend.:) I do!
Kaleigha´s last blog ..Fashionary.
By Kaleigha on 01.05.10 10:23 am | Permalink
I feel like this is a realization I had as well when I entered my thirties. It’s hard, like admitting that my all-time favorite black t-shirt is stretched out to the point that it doesn’t fit, and I’m wearing it because it USED TO be my favorite, not because it works for me today. (Not that people=clothing, but you know what I mean.)
I had to bid farewell to a very old and formerly dear friend this year and I’m still sad about it. But it became clear that she didn’t value the friendship in the way that I needed her to, and now I’m spending less energy being crabby about that, and I’m happy I did it.
Blythe´s last blog ..Bless Us Every One
By Blythe on 01.05.10 10:25 am | Permalink
Proud of you, friend. This is good.
By sizzle on 01.05.10 11:36 am | Permalink
If you find a good way to do this, let me know. I have a couple friends like this and I am so tired of trying so hard and getting nowhere.
I wish you luck!
By kathy_mcc on 01.05.10 2:00 pm | Permalink
Saying good-bye to toxic friends is bittersweet. I’m sorry for the bitter parts and glad for you about the sweet parts. I’ve said good-bye to one particular longtime toxic friend in the past year, and although there are times I’m a little sad about it, I have not regretted it for one moment. And I love having more time to spend with friends who are actually GOOD to me and for me.
bethany actually´s last blog ..Oh noes, I broke my blog!
By bethany actually on 01.05.10 3:13 pm | Permalink
I no longer speak to my grandmother for just this reason. Why add any more drama and stress into your busy life?
A lot of people find this shocking. It uh, wasn’t hard for me to do.
slynnro´s last blog ..Year End Meme.
By slynnro on 01.05.10 5:54 pm | Permalink
Life’s too short…
Good for you.
Kate´s last blog ..2009
By Kate on 01.05.10 9:21 pm | Permalink
Fresh start in 2010!!
By melissalion on 01.06.10 10:12 am | Permalink
I just did this with a friend. She actually stopped talking to me first and after that, when she tried to reach out, I didn’t reach back. I realized that I didn’t need her as a friend. She just gave me more stress than anything. Why stay friends with her just because we’ve known each other forever? That’s a stupid reason when she’s a person that I can’t be myself around and feel like I’m always being judged.
Good for you!
Kristabella´s last blog ..Twenty Ten
By Kristabella on 01.06.10 11:56 am | Permalink
I’m proud of you, friend. It’s hard to say goodbye sometimes, even to the bad friends, but it feels SO GOOD once you do it.
By Angella on 01.06.10 12:56 pm | Permalink
i really thought i commented on this. life is full of toxic shit. everywhere you turn. turn away, Carol Anne, turn away!
gorillabuns´s last blog ..fairy tales and happy endings
By gorillabuns on 01.09.10 8:03 pm | Permalink
don’t let people and things take up real estate in your head that don’t deserve to be there.
xo
shelli´s last blog ..365.2- go ahead, call me a smurf; but at least I’m a warm smurf!
By shelli on 01.13.10 5:58 am | Permalink
Love this post. I agree, and I’m glad I’m a friend you’re hanging on to! :)
Can’t wait to see you tonight!
A xo
Ash´s last blog ..It was a catastrophic success
By Ash on 01.13.10 10:45 am | Permalink
Good for you! These kind of people came out of the woodwork when Tom got sick. I am in the process of releasing toxic friends right now. Life can be unpredictable and difficult at times and these people just bring you down. I’m proud of you.
Kim´s last blog ..Haiti
By Kim on 01.14.10 6:34 pm | Permalink
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